EPISODE 1x01 - GET SOME
Humvees can be seen in the distance, crossing the desert.
[VO – all on radio]
ECKLOFF
It's Oscar Charlie, how copy?
FICK
Hitman.
ECKLOFF
Yeah, Misfit Two One, Two Two is ready for you, Nine One.
WYNN
Hitman. All Hitman Two Victors, maintain speed, maintain dispersion fifty
meters.
ECKLOFF
Roger that... Copy that.
Close up on Bravo Team One in their Humvee.
COLBERT
See anything, Garza?
GARZA
Something at one o'clock.
COLBERT
Four T-55s at one o'clock, two klicks.
PERSON
[into radio] Hitman, this is Hitman Two One. Enemy contact, four T-55s, one
o'clock, two klicks, how copy?
COLBERT
Garza, contact right! [into radio] Enemy foot-mobiles, four o'clock, three
hundred meters, by the berm. This is Hitman Two One. Roger that.
All the Humvees are firing rounds.
ECKLOFF
[on radio] Misfit Two One, cleared hot. Missile away.
A helicopter drops a missile.
PERSON
Yeah, get some!
There is a large explosion in the desert.
COLBERT
Watch your sectors.
ECKLOFF
[on radio] Misfit Two Two, cleared hot. Missile away.
Another helicopter drops a missile, and there is another explosion.
FICK
[on radio] Hitman Two One. Stand by for PDA.
TROMBLEY
Is there any contact on the left?
COLBERT
Contact right. RPG team, two o'clock. Five hundred meters behind the truck.
TROMBLEY
Shit. [to his gun] We'll get some later.
A truck explodes.
FICK
[on radio] This is Hitman Two. We have suppressed a ZiL 6x6. Request that Misfit
pushes north to sweep flank to search for possible targets.
ECKLOFF
[on radio] Misfit Two One, copy.
PERSON
Sweet! We barbecued them Hajjis.
One of the Bravo Humvees swerves out of line.
ESPERA
[on radio] Bravo Two One, man down! Echo Four Lima is down.
GARZA
Lilley's hit! He's hit!
COLBERT
He's stopping. [into radio] Two One Bravo. This is Two One Alpha, interrogative.
WYNN
[on radio] Push, push, push. Get out of the kill zone.
ESPERA
Grab the wheel!
FICK
[on radio] Two Three, make the hole for Two One Bravo.
MARINE 1
[OS] Stop the vehicles! Christopher!
MARINE 2
[OS] Corpsman! Corpsman!
BRYAN
I'm on it!
MARINE 2
[OS] We've got a man hit! Two One Bravo's got a man hit! Come on!
ESPERA
Don't waste the morphine, Doc. My boy's been smoked.
WYNN
[OS] Is anybody else hit?
Bravo Two members assemble around the stopped Humvee.
GARZA
How's it feel, motherfucker? How's it feel to be fucking dead?
LILLEY
Bro, it feels sad. I feel very alone. And also, I gotta take a shit.
ESPERA
[OS] I told you this shit...
STAFFORD
[OS] Damn, man, and I had dibs on your video camera.
CHRISTESON
[OS] I had dibs on your wife.
FICK
Lilley, you make a nice combat casualty. Congrats.
CHAFFIN
Yeah, you die real good.
FICK
All right, team leaders, let's do a little after-action on this.
CHAFFIN
Hell, yeah!
The team leaders gather together around Fick and Wynn.
ESPERA
Sir! This was the first time the boys got to live-fire any Mark-19s or .50s.
FICK
Yep. Might be the only chance we get before we step off. Be nice if it were
otherwise.
COLBERT
It'd also be nice if we got some batteries for our PEC-4s and PEC-13s.
FICK
Our ops chief assures me they're coming. I'm assured of this.
Garza is on top of his Humvee, Trombley beside it, and Person inside.
GARZA
I've never seen a .50 cal fuck up a truck before. That was cool. I wonder what
it would look like if you hit a person.
TROMBLEY
At least you got to fire yours. She didn't even shoot off round one.
PERSON
Hey, Trombley, if you keep talking to your weapon like it's trim, everybody's
gonna know you're a total psycho.
The camera slowly pans back to the team leaders' meeting.
FICK
[OS] ...good dispersion. The geometry of fire was good. We communicated.
Fick is surrounded by the team leaders, using some rocks to mimic their assault.
FICK
We were good until Espera's team went down. You slowed your vehicles. You don't
stop in a kill zone.
PATRICK
You mean maneuver past the vehicles down and leave them?
FICK
You know the SOP. Assault through the ambush, anybody's left behind, you
maneuver to do support by fire.
WYNN
None of us are good to anybody if we're dead.
COLBERT
Sir, not to question the SOP, but if we have a disabled vehicle, the nearest
element could stop and evaluate the Marines while other elements push through
and provide support by fire.
FICK
[looks to Wynn, who nods approval] Yeah, that works, Brad, but only if you don't
let emotions take over as you assess the situation. But in principle, it works.
It's good. [looking at his watch] All right, got half an hour to get back to
Mathilda for chow.
The team leaders head back to their vehicles. Espera heads towards Bryan, who is
standing beside a burned out truck.
ESPERA
Fucking Kuwait, man.
BRYAN
You believe this shit? These people still haven't picked up the trash from the
last war.
ESPERA
[Urinates.] People have been fighting over this bitch since ancient times, dawg.
How many graves are we standing on? Think about all the wisdom and science and
money and civilization it took to build these machines, and the courage of all
the men who came here, and the love of their wives and children that was in
their hearts. And all that hate, dawg, all the hate it took to blow these
motherfuckers away. It's destiny, dawg. White man's gotta rule the world.
[00:05:48]
Opening Credits
[VO – all on radio]
ESPERA
Hitman Two Two, this is Two One Bravo. Our gunner has a silhouette at our nine
o'clock, two klicks out.
MARINE 2
Roger, we glassed it. It's a disabled vehicle. It's static. Over.
[00:06:00]
Camp Mathilda. An opening view of the camp moves into the Bravo Company enlisted
men's tent.
MARINE 1
[OS] You know, people forget the brain is the biggest erogenous zone.
MARINE 2
[OS] Maybe on you.
MARINE 1
[OS] Man, fuck you.
MARINE 2
[OS] Take a look at that!
Wasik enters the tent.
WASIK
Hey, man. You seen Person?
LILLEY
[Half asleep] Over there, brah.
Wasik makes his way through the tent.
MARINE 3
[OS] Shitbird, you watch it.
MARINE 4
[OS] Got a couple new ones...
PATRICK
And this one little Chinese girl had eyes so slanty, you could've blindfolded
her with dental floss, I swear...
ESPERA
[Demonstrating a move] You gotta get tight on a motherfucker's windpipe...
REDMAN
Get off me.
Wasik approaches Kocher, Person, Chaffin and Trombley.
KOCHER
Right as she's pulling the vibrating egg out, she fuckin' licks my asshole.
CHAFFIN
I love an ass lick.
WASIK
Hey, Ray, did you get the word, man? J. Lo's dead.
CHAFFIN
Man, I love an ass-lick.
PERSON
Bullshit!
WASKI
Yeah, I got the word from a Captain in G2.
PERSON
[shouts across the tent] Brad, did you hear about J. Lo?
COLBERT
Get over here, Ray. Need my RTO.
PERSON
Did Conway tell you that?
WASIK
Yeah.
PERSON
Yeah, well, he's full of shit.
WASIK
No, man.
Fick enters the tent.
FICK
Bravo Two! All of you, listen up. H&S company had a negligent discharge today.
CHAFFIN
Fuckin' supply company POGs.
FICK
So the CO personally wants to make sure we brass-check our weapons.
PATRICK
Anybody hurt?
FICK
No, it was a two-oh-three. It's a miracle no one was killed.
PERSON
That would suck, homes, getting killed before you got to go to war and kill
people.
MARINE
[OS] Shut up, Person.
FICK
Try wrapping up the chess tourney before lights out. Got the Sergeant Major on
my ass.
CHAFFIN
Fuckin' Sixta.
Fick turns to leave, and Person approaches him.
PERSON
Lieutenant, have you gotten any word on-?
FICK
[addresses all the men] I only get what's passed down to me from Godfather, and
the only word he gets is from the BBC. If we're lucky, Saddam will back down,
let the inspectors in, and we can go home. The important thing is, we are doing
our jobs by being here. All of you should be proud.
PERSON
Sir, that's not the word I was asking about. I was... We wanted to know if you
knew anything about J. Lo being killed.
TROMBLEY
[OS] Who killed her?
LEON
[OS] Shit, you know she's my cousin.
BAPTISTA
J. Lo?
CARAVALES
[OS] She's Puerto Rican. You're Mexican.
LEON
[OS] So?
FICK
Ray, the battalion commander offered no sitrep as to J. Lo's status.
JACKS
[OS] You piece of shit.
ESPERA
[OS] Puerto Ricans are tropical Mexicans.
STINETORF
[OS] Don't tell me Godfather' didn’t know about J. Lo man.
Fick turns to leave. Garza approaches Person.
GARZA
What? J. Lo's dead?
PERSON
Apparently that's the word.
Fick exits the tent. A helicopter passes overhead and Marines mill about between
the tents.
[00:08:15]
Inside the enlisted men's tent.
PATRICK
[OS] Jacks, we'll work on that turret tomorrow!
JACKS
[OS] Roger that, Sergeant.
PATRICK
[OS] Bring your canteen. It's gonna be hotter than two rabbits fucking in a wool
sock out there in that motor pool.
TROMBLEY
[looking at Reyes] Since when did the Marine Corps start letting in faggots?
ESPERA
[to Lilley, who's holding a video camera] Dawg, you're my driver. How you gonna
make your war movie when you're be busy driving my Humvee?
LILLEY
Brah...
ESPERA
What do you think, CNN's gonna want to buy your version of the war?
LILLEY
Maybe.
ESPERA
You know, you'd be better off shooting Rudy. [Points to Reyes, who is standing
naked in the middle of the tent.] Now that is some shit you could sell right
there.
LILLEY
Brah...
ESPERA
Gay porn! Gay porn, Lilley! Yo, all you gotta do is get Rudy on board, and
you’re gonna be the next Spielberg of twink movies.
LILLEY
[chuckles] Yeah.
Reyes gets dressed, puts on a backpack full of rocks, and a gas mask.
CHAFFIN
[OS] You're always doing that shit with that rook. The same move every fuckin'
day.
WASIK
[OS] There it is.
CHAFFIN
[OS] How's that for a move? Checkmate, bitch.
Outside the tent. Reyes runs. Marines shout encouragement.
MARINE 1
[OS] Hoorah! Get some!
MARINE 2
[OS] Let's go! Slay that dragon!
MARINE 3
[OS] Get some!
PERSON
[shouts] I love you, Fruity Rudy!
The camera pans to an officer's and senior NCOs briefing.
ECKLOFF
Today's high is expected to be eighty-five Fahrenheit, expected again in the
upper thirties with shamal winds moving in tomorrow gusting up to seventy miles
per hour. [To Ferrando] Sir.
FICK
[To Wynn] Weather's got a better chance of atritting us than the Iraqis.
WYNN
Mmm-hmm.
FERRANDO
Word from the CG is to maintain our readiness and ongoing preparations to
enhance our readiness here in Kuwait. What does Godfather think? I think, in
other words, no word. Our objective remains getting into that AO, securing that
bridge over the Euphrates, and holding it for the main Marine Force. Rolling
through Iraq in open-top Humvees is completely outside of what First Recon does.
We might not like it, but the general has asked this battalion to be America's
shock troops. And Godfather can't tell the general, "We don't do windows." [The
men chuckle. Patterson raises his hand.] Captain Patterson.
PATTERSON
Sir, Alpha Company's still missing maps of the AO.
FERRANDO
The problem is battalion-wide and we are working on it, be assured.
SCHWETJE
[raising his had] Sir.
FERRANDO
Yeah.
SCHWETJE
Umm, what is the policy on the wearing of the beanies? When should they be worn?
FERRANDO
Maintaining a grooming standard is mission critical. Just because these men
fancy themselves an elite unit doesn't mean they own the rules. Between 0900 and
1700 watch caps are a no-go.
SIXTA
I don't want us to see no cowboy Elvises walking around in them beanies.
FERRANDO
All right, division has handed down change in the signals protocol...
[00:11:14]
The motor pool. Colbert walks by Espera, who's on his Humvee.
ESPERA
Hey. All my hoses are rotted out. I got Dirty Earl working it.
CARIZALES
Got a mess of blown donkey dicks.
COLBERT
On a short string here, Poke.
ESPERA
I just got this bucket five days ago, dawg. This is like Gilligan's Island.
They're giving us rocks and coconuts to make radios with.
CARIZALES
Shit. Even the gaskets are gone, man. Back home, they're driving around in
Mercedes Benz SUVs picking up their poodles at the dog cappuccino stand. And
here we are invading a country with ghetto hoopties. [spits] It's depressing.
Person walks up.
PERSON
[thrusting a hose between Carizales’ legs] I bring you gifts.
CARIZALES
The fuck? Where the fuck you find those?
PERSON
I had to suck an officer's cock to get these.
CARIZALES
See? That's some exploitive shit. You’ve been exploited by your betters. You
know what we need in America, man? Is a holiday where once a year the
blue-collar man gets to go into the home of the white-collar man, eat his food,
sleep in his bed and fuck his shit up.
Colbert gets into his Humvee.
PERSON
[OS] Jeff, you realize you're a communist?
CARIZALES
[OS] Fuck I am.
Espera walks up to Colbert's Humvee.
ESPERA
A Blue Force Tracker. Oh, shit.
COLBERT
[Demonstrates blue force tracker.] Downtown Baghdad, Safwan Hill. The entire AO.
ESPERA
You are the Iceman, dawg. You up here in the twenty-first century, we're all
back there in the stone age, man.
COLBERT
Third Infantry to the east, us, our neighbors to the north, and the Euphrates
bridge, our objective.
Sixta approaches, shouting at Person.
SIXTA
Jesus Christ! What is you some kind of goddamn hippie faggot? Fuck is this?
Devil Dog. Why the fuck is your shirt out of regulation?
Colbert approaches, with Espera.
COLBERT
Sergeant Major, is there a problem? My Marines have been working on that Humvee
all morning.
SIXTA
I don't care if your Marine has a sucking chest wound! He will not traipse
around on the deck with his shirttails hanging out! Might just NJP all your
asses!
COLBERT
Yes, Sergeant Major. Corporal Person, be advised, you're expected to conduct all
business in this camp in compliance with the grooming standard under direct
order from the Battalion Commander himself.
Person tucks in his shirt. Sixta turns to Patrick.
SIXTA
Sergeant Patrick, your moostache hairs is in violations, growing beyond the
corner of your mouth. I hear Godfather hisself say you look like a bum. [shouts]
Police that moostache! [Turns to the rest of the men and shouts at them.] Y'all
startin' to look like Elvises!
Sixta walks away. Person untucks his shirt.
COLBERT
Hey, don't push our luck.
[00:13:55]
Inside the enlisted men's tent. Person is handing out mail.
PERSON
Walt!
HASSER
Oh!
PERSON
Trombley. [walking over to Colbert, shakes his head] Nothing but letters. No
batteries, no diapers, and no turret. Guess not today, homes. Just another five
dozen letters from fuckin' schoolkids and shit.
Person opens a letter.
PERSON
Oh my god. Listen to this. "Dear Mr. Army Man..."
TROMBLEY
Army? Fuck that.
PERSON
"I am proud that you are being brave and defending our country against the
terrorists. They are bad and I am glad that you are going to catch them and
punish them."
JACKS
[OS] She's a good writer.
PERSON
"I am glad that you are so brave and I pray for you."
CHAFFIN
[OS] Oh, what's she look like?
PERSON
She's actually pretty hot.
Person hands Chaffin a photo of a young schoolgirl.
JACKS
Ooh, I like them braids.
STAFFORD
[OS] Let me see, man.
ESPERA
Listen to this shit right here. [Reads from a letter.] "Maybe you'll be able to
come home without having to fight."
STAFFORD
[OS] Bullshit.
CHRISTESON
Fuck that.
ESPERA
"Peace is always much better than war and it would be nice if no one would be
hurt."
PERSON
[OS] That's some fucking hippie communist shit right there. Where the fuck is
this weak-ass child from?
HASSER
[OS] Vermont!
ESPERA
It's Frederick Firestone from 2707 Spencer Road, Chevy Chase, Maryland.
CHAFFIN
[OS] Fucking Maryland.
PERSON
"Dear Frederick! Thank you for your nice letter. But I am actually a US Marine
who was born to kill..."
MARINES
Hoorah!
PERSON
"...whereas clearly you have mistaken me for some sort of wine-sipping communist
dicksuck. And although peace probably appeals to tree-loving bisexuals like you
and your parents, I happen to be a death-dealing, blood-crazed warrior who wakes
up every day just hoping for the chance to dismember my enemies and defile their
civilizations. Peace sucks a hairy asshole, Freddie. War is the motherfucking
answer."
CHRISTESON
[OS] Hell, yeah!
ESPERA
"But thanks for writing anyway."
JACKS
[OS] "Your pal, Ray."
PERSON
Oh, man, every motherfucker in this camp is just waiting for packages of dip,
Ripped Fuel, porn mags, batteries, hash chunks, a dirty-ass jerk-off letter from
Suzie Rottencrotch. Except for Brad Colbert over here, who actually thinks that
his mail-order turret is gonna come in before we step off.
CHAFFIN
[OS] Sorry, Brad.
PERSON
But no. All we get is this happy day fucking horseshit from Miss Cuntlips'
fourth-grade class. Can you fucking believe this shit?
JACKS
[OS] That’s good, I like that.
LILLEY
[Looks at the girl's photo.] Oh, brah.
PATRICK
[Takes the photo from Lilley.] Damn. I'd eat a mile of her shit just to see
where it came from.
ESPERA
Take her diaper off.
[00:16:15]
Sundown. Men are boxing outside.
Camera moves to the mess tent where the men are eating dinner. Fick approaches
Colbert.
FICK
Pass the word. Watch caps are a no-go between 0900 and 1700. That's Godfather
talking.
Colbert nods and Fick moves away.
The camera pans down the table.
CHAFFIN
She was about sixteen years old...
LILLEY
Brah. Brah.
CHAFFIN
What?
LILLEY
You got sauce on you.
CHAFFIN
Oh, yeah? I look like a mud? I look like Gabe's filthy spic brother? Ha-ha, no.
Espera approaches Trombley and pulls off his soft cover.
ESPERA
What the fuck is on your grape, devil dog?
TROMBLEY
My boonie. Give it back.
ESPERA
You see any other Recon Marine in here wearing a soft cover?
TROMBLEY
[Looks around.] No.
ESPERA
No. No fucking way, dawg. I know you didn't go through BRC, but, boy, you gotta
front. All these other grunts look up to Recon like we are cold-blooded
warriors. We're carnivorous motherfuckers dawg, and you gotta carry it like
that.
There is a tense pause.
ESPERA
Here. I got your six, boy.
Espera hands Trombley a black beanie, which Trombley puts on. Espera tuts and
sits down next to Garza.
ESPERA
This motherfucker.
GARZA
FNG, Sergeant.
The enlisted men stand up and walk out. The camera pans to the officer's table.
FERRANDO
[smiles] Cocky motherfuckers.
[00:17:46]
The enlisted men's tent. Men are listening to the radio, reading porn mags,
sleeping etc. The camera pans from group to group.
[BBC Radio] The American Department of State has ordered all non-essential
diplomats and their families to evacuate to Kuwait, Tel Aviv, Jerusalem and
Damascus...
PERSON
Okay, check it. The escort VHF Watson gave us was in error - It's UHF.
COLBERT
Both the DASC and the DASC(A), right?
[BBC Radio] President Bush...
WASIK
Hold on. I want to hear this.
[BBC Radio] ...Prime Minister Tony Blair and Spanish Prime Minister, Jose Maria
Aznar will meet in the Azores Islands in Portugal to discuss the crisis,
gathering...
CHAFFIN
I'd chili-dog that bitch.
ESPERA
Nice.
Patrick is shaving the edge of his mustache.
PATRICK
You think that's enough?
WASIK
You should be rockin' it like me, Pappy. Hitler 'stache is reg.
ESPERA
Looked good on Hitler.
[BBC radio] In sport...
Colbert turns off the radio.
PERSON
Huh. No dead fly girl.
WASIK
The media's in on it. They don't want us to know J. Lo's dead. They think it
will fuck with morale.
COLBERT
So on the CEOI, they have the escorts listed as no encryption, but they're
covered, right?
PERSON
Yeah, you can't do one frequency plane. Doesn't matter on the 113's anyway. They
only go to 6.
There is a loud rumbling, and the edge of the tent starts to bow inwards.
HASSER
Fucking hell was that? Not again!
Wynn enters the tent and shouts.
WYNN
I need Marines with sledgehammers!
The men all pick up sledgehammers and start running out of the tent.
MARINE 1
[OS] Come on, dude. Let's go.
MARINE 2
[OS] Let’s go, you heard him. Come on, go, go, go!
It's dark and very noisy outside. A shamal wind is blowing. The Marines attempt
to secure the tent.
MARINE 3
[OS] Pull it! Come on! Pull
COLBERT
You, get over there! Come on!
MARINE 4
[OS] Hold it down!
MARINE 3
[OS] One, two, three. Go!
[00:19:36]
Next morning. Men are repairing the damage to the tent.
MARINE (Griego?)
[OS] Shame about your tent, sir.
SCHWETJE
Put these with my gear.
MARINE (Griego?)
[OS] Yes sir.
Fick walks past Schwetje and into the enlisted men's tent. Wright is following
him.
FICK
Pappy. I gotta be at battalion for a while, so make sure nothing happens while
I'm there. This is a writer who's gonna embed with us. He's from Rolling Stone,
so be gentle.
Fick leaves.
TROMBLEY
The Rolling Stones?
HASSER
Rolling Stone?
CHAFFIN
Fuck if they don't give us a dope-smoking, peace-freak writer.
COLBERT
Christeson.
JACKS
[OS] Faggot.
COLBERT
Show Rolling Stone Magazine where to stow his shit.
CHAFFIN
You gonna write about how we're all baby killers and mama rapers, huh?
BRYAN
You gonna tell all them people that read Rolling Stone how it fucking feels to
be in a war?
PERSON
Actually, most avid readers of Rolling Stone only really know what it feels like
to have a cock up their assholes.
Chaffin laughs.
WRIGHT
Could be worse. I used to write for Hustler.
CHAFFIN
You wrote for Hustler?
BRYAN
We're in the presence of greatness.
Person runs up to Wright.
PERSON
What did you write for Hustler?
WRIGHT
Porn reviews, Hot Letters, Beaver Hunt.
PERSON
You wrote Beaver Hunt? [laughs]
CHRISTESON
[Takes Wright's bag.] This way, Reporter, sir.
PERSON
[OS] Hey, Brad! This guy wrote Beaver Hunt! Oh, shit! He must have those
Polaroids of your mom.
Wright bumps into boxes.
WRIGHT
Oh, I'm sorry.
CHRISTESON
Your rack, sir.
CHAFFIN
They got you in the fucking ghetto.
JACKS
[OS] Hey, Reporter, you ever seen a grown man naked?
CHAFFIN
You feel me? Fuckin' spics and a goddamn jig.
STAFFORD
Yo, that ain't cool, man, fuckin' race-hating motherfucker.
CHAFFIN
Oh, spics, a coon, and a fucking wigger. See, wiggers be the worst: race
traitors, miscegenatin' with the muds.
ESPERA
Hey. You don't have to listen to this little trailer-trash whiskey-tango fuck.
GARZA
Ain't all your crackhead baby brothers nappy-headed and shit? James is the only
white boy in the family. Three stepdads, and they're all black.
ESPERA
Take this down, dawg. "It makes my heart heavy to see the white race sink as low
as James's mother has. At least if she was Mexican she'd be ashamed of herself.
But being a white bitch, she still thinks she's better than the brothers she
sells that ass to in the parking lot of the titty bar she works at."
STAFFORD
Oh! Screwby, dawg.
CHAFFIN
Yo, fuck you, man. She's a bookkeeper.
ESPERA
Cockkeeper.
Chaffin laughs.
JACKS
[OS] Hey, bud. I got a twenty spot on Chaffin!
CHAFFIN
Yo, T! You hear that? The beaners are cracking on your people too. Ain't you
gonna say something?
HOLSEY
I'm just not into that racial thing, man.
CHAFFIN
All right. Let's go, Garza. Let's talk about what we're gonna do when we get out
of the Corps. We're gonna join us a border patrol and shoot us some wetbacks.
Chaffin laughs.
GARZA
[miming shooting a rifle at Wright]Yeah, shoot wetbacks!
Garza and Chaffin leave.
JACKS
[OS] You know that wetback pussies are actually warmer than normal average white
pussy.
ESPERA
Welcome aboard.
[00:22:23]
Motor pool.
JACKS
Fuck these turrets! Shit won't go past my five.
REYES
Relax, my Manimal. Pappy will get you fixed up.
PATRICK
Oh, Rudy, hand me your leatherman.
REYES
Roger. [hands Patrick some pliers] Mr. Potato Head at your six, closing fast.
Sixta approaches, and Patrick jumps off his Humvee.
SIXTA
Sergeant Patrick! Hold it there!
Sixta chuckles darkly.
SIXTA
You mocking me? Hairs hanging from your face beyond your mouth areas.
Wasik walks by in the background, pointing to his moustache and raising his arm
in a “hail Hitler” salute.
SIXTA
You are unsightly, unsanitary, and in violations of Godfather's grooming
standards. Do you reads me, Sergeant Patrick? You has til o'dark hundred to
unfuck y'self.
Sixta leaves.
JACKS
Godfather tells us two weeks ago that division's having a mustache-growing
contest. Now Mr. Potato Head over here is lifing-out Pappy.
PATRICK
Well. We all got jobs to do. Sergeant Major Sixta's job is to be an asshole, and
he excels at the position.
Outside the tents.
COLBERT
It's titanium. Sixteen pounds, about yea big. Should have been shipped weeks
ago, and I was starting to wonder if it was shortstopped at battalion somewhere.
SUPPLY MARINE
A shield?
COLBERT
For the main gunner, yeah.
SUPPLY MARINE
Hmm.
Reyes approaches.
REYES
Sergeant Colbert. It's important.
Colbert enters the enlisted men's tent.
COLBERT
Gentlemen.
Person is lying down, pressing a towel to the side of his face.
HASSER
The stove underneath Rudy's espresso pot went off like a 40 mike-mike.
ESPERA
Flamed white boy's face like a rotisserie chicken.
COLBERT
Let me understand this. My RTO has just been burned, in his tent, by an
exploding portable stove. And without my RTO, I will be going to war, unable to
quickly and effectively establish radio communications within our unit, with
other elements of the battalion, and with close air support. Is this what is
happening?
ESPERA
That, and they're probably gonna NJP all our asses for operating a stove in the
tent against the regs.
COLBERT
Over an espresso maker? This platoon is going down over an espresso maker?
[00:25:38]
Men are using pickaxes outside. The camera moves to an officer's briefing.
FERRANDO
...until division informs me otherwise. All right, that's all for now. Keep it
tight, gentlemen. We're on a short string.
The officers leave.
FERRANDO
Lieutenant Fick.
Fick turns back.
FICK
Yes, sir?
FERRANDO
Your CO passed on your report. Your unit sustained a casualty. A Marine was
burned.
FICK
Corporal Person sustained minor injuries when a cook stove being operated
according to regulations suffered a catastrophic failure.
FERRANDO
And the men operating this cook stove were outside the tent when this happened?
FICK
Yes, sir. At the time, Corporal Person was kneeling by the entrance, servicing a
148.
FERRANDO
And you witnessed this?
FICK
Yes, sir. I observed the stove malfunction and the swift action of my Marines to
treat Corporal Person.
FERRANDO
Lieutenant Fick, you might want to consider writing up some of these men for
commendation.
FICK
I will consider that, sir.
Fick leaves.
[00:25:45]
Colbert's Humvee is crossing the desert.
[VO]
WRIGHT
Why is the PX at an Army camp?
PERSON
Marines don't need a PX. We're about to loot and pillage a country!
WRIGHT
Then why are we going to the PX?
Outside the PX. Wright hands bags to Colbert and Person.
WRIGHT
AAA batteries. Dip. Skoal and Copenhagen. Baby wipes, various flavored Pringles
in a can, and adult diapers. As requested. Why do you need me to get you all
this stuff?
COLBERT
In the infinite wisdom of whoever runs the military post-exchange stores, they
won't sell this stuff in quantity to actual military personnel. For civilians
like yourself, the sky's the limit.
WRIGHT
And why is that?
PERSON
To keep us angry. If Marines could get what they need when they needed it, we
would be happy, and we wouldn't be ready to kill people all the time. See, the
Marine Corps is like America's little pit bull. They beat us, mistreat us, and
once in a while they let us out to attack somebody.
WRIGHT
What's the big deal with the batteries?
COLBERT
They're for our PEC-2s and NVGs, our night vision. Battalion didn't bring enough
batteries. We had to ration them.
PERSON
Battalion didn't bring enough of anything that matters. They don't even have
enough fucking maps.
COLBERT
The Army goes to war, they bring it all. But Marines, we make do.
PERSON
No maps, no batteries. We keep trying to get this shit mailed to us but nothing
ever comes. Fuck if Colbert didn't try and have a shield for the turret Fedexed,
not that it'll get here in time.
They get into the Humvee.
COLBERT
Titanium, sixteen pounds. I had it custom engineered.
PERSON
See, when Marines invade a foreign country, we gotta buy all our own shit. Me
and Brad spent $500 of our own money just fixing up the Humvee. Bought our own
antennas, filters, these cammie nets. We even painted it ourselves. So yeah,
homes, we pimpin'.
Person starts driving.
WRIGHT
[OS] Why do you guys need the diapers?
[00:27:52]
Person is sleeping on top of his Humvee.
SCHWETJE
[on radio] Hitman two three, this is Hitman. Radio check, over.
Person wakes up and picks up binoculars.
PERSON
Brad, we have major activity on the wire. Two-zero unidentified victors at the
checkpoint. Fuck, they're coming through the gates!
Marines shout in the background.
COLBERT
Un-fucking-believable.
PERSON
Shit is on. Has to be.
[00:28:33]
Inside the mess tent. The men are buying pizza.
HASSER
Pepperoni, motherfucker!
MARINE 1
[OS] This fucking rocks!
MARINE 2
[OS] Some beer would go great with this!
MARINE 3
[OS] Here, I'll trade you one.
MARINE 4
[OS] Fuck yeah!
LILLEY
$10 a pie?
PIZZA VENDOR
No sir, I'm selling $10 per slice.
HASSER
The fuck you say?
PIZZA VENDOR
With kindness, sir, you go to Kuwait City and get it yourself then.
CHAFFIN
Fucking ridiculous!
LILLEY
You have $20?
CHAFFIN
Can you believe they're like ten bucks a slice?
LILLEY
I need a twenty!
CHAFFIN
You Hajji motherfucker!
HASSER
Choke, motherfucker!
MARINE 5
[OS] Over here! I'm three for twenty. I'm hornier than a motherfucker!
PERSON
Just when I thought I'd stopped loving the Marine Corps they go and they do
this.
ESPERA
This is it, dawg.
COLBERT
The Corps doesn't just bring pizza pies all the way from Kuwait City for no
reason.
PERSON
We got lobster in Afghanistan.
Fick and Wynn enter the tent and stride towards Schwetje.
FICK
Captain, sir?
SCHWETJE
Did you guys get some pizza? You can have my extra slice.
FICK
The other companies have bumped into high gear. They're stowing their gear,
packing the Humvees. What's up?
SCHWETJE
[chewing.] What do you mean?
FICK
Sir, is there a reason we got pizza delivered today?
SCHWETJE
[still chewing.] Godfather issued maps for your team leaders, the whole AO to
the Euphrates.
Schwetje moves his gun off the maps and hands them to Fick.
SCHWETJE
I was gonna bring it up at our briefing tomorrow. Oh. Godfather says General
Mattis issued the warning order. So be prepared to move to the staging area
within the next forty-eight hours.
Fick picks up the maps and leaves with Wynn.
WYNN
Nice of him to fucking mention it.
[00:30:15]
Outside. Marines are rushing around, loading up Humvees.
JACKS
Get some!
MARINE 1
[OS] Let's roll!
MARINE 2
[OS] Get some!
HASSER
Shit, dawg!
BURRIS
I feel like it's fuckin' Christmas!
HASSER
Whoo!
[00:30:25]
Humvees are moving out. Person crosses between them and approaches the latrines.
He knocks on one.
PERSON
It's urgent, Brad. We're fuckin' almost Oscar Mike.
COLBERT
[OS] Ray, can I have just one final moment enjoying the fruits of civilization?
Colbert opens the latrine door and comes out, carrying a roll of toilet paper
and a porn mag.
Inside the enlisted men's tent.
FICK
We are breaking open the MOPP suits. They are rated to maintain their
effectiveness against chemical and biological attack for thirty days. Now make
sure they fit now. There will be no chance to exchange them later. Do not wash,
abrade, or puncture your MOPP suit. We expect to fight dirty.
CHAFFIN
Been fighting dirty my whole life.
ESPERA
Sir. If we are fighting in a chemical environment and we get shot, how are they
gonna casevac us if we're dirty?
FICK
They're not.
ESPERA
What?
FICK
Hit in a chemical environment, you're fucked anyway.
Colbert pulls out his MOPP suit from its packaging.
COLBERT
Woodland camouflage? Anyone happen to remember we're invading a fucking desert
country?
CHAFFIN
[OS] Fuckin' retards.
JACKS
[OS] Exactly. What the fuck, man?
BRUNMEIER
[OS] Can't fight in this shit. I hate these fuckin' things.
TROMBLEY
How come the Reporter gets desert?
WRIGHT
I didn't ask for...
STAFFORD
Are you wearing shorts?
WRIGHT
What? Boxers.
STAFFORD
Screwby. Yo, it's gonna be hot, man. Me? Shit, I'm freeballing it all the way to
Baghdad.
CHAFFIN
[OS] Good thing I shaved my balls.
[00:31:50]
Outside. The Marines are standing to attention.
SIXTA
Your President is watching! Americkay is watching! But more important, Godfather
is watching. Make no mistake, there will be no fuck-ups! Marines around this
world would gives they left nuts to be where you are! Anybody not want to go?
MARINES
[shouting] No, Sergeant Major!
SIXTA
Marines, kill on three! One! Two! Three!
MARINES
Kill!
SIXTA
Bata-llion, atten-tion! Dismissed!
The Marines run to their vehicles.
MARINE
[OS] Get some!
[00:33:11]
Bravo is waiting around their Humvees, some inside, some sitting on top of the
Humvees.
HITMAN (GREIGO?)
[on radio] Hitman three, can you have your RTO head over here to Hitman? Over.
GARZA
You want any water?
Trombley is sitting in the Humvee, chewing Skittles.
TROMBLEY
Hey, Sergeant, are we there yet?
MARINE
[on radio] Hitman, this is Hitman three. He's en route.
PERSON
What the fuck is taking so long? We've been sitting here for four goddamn hours.
Wright sighs. Person chews dip and spits down the side of the Humvee.
COLBERT
Don't spit on my Humvee, Ray.
PERSON
I didn't.
COLBERT
Ray, when you spit with your lips, you always get it on the side of my Humvee. I
heard you spit with your lips. Spit with your teeth, Ray.
HTIMAN (SCHWETJE?)
[on radio] All Hitman victors, still waiting on the turf.
COLBERT
[into radio] Be advised we're still waiting for the battalion translator.
WRIGHT
Do you mean you guys are invading Iraq with just one translator?
The camera pans from men playing football to Victor Four.
FICK, WYNN
[Singing.] ...We didn't know what to think of him until he sang, Feliz Navidad,
Feliz Navidad. Little sister brought...
WYNN
No, shit.
FICK
What is it? Ken.
FICK, WYNN
[Singing.] Brother Ken brought his kids...
Meesh appears. Colbert watches him from his Humvee.
MEESH
Dude man, this majorly sucks!
SMITH
Sir, we cannot delay any longer.
MEESH
I can't believe I'm leaving without my shit, man. It's primo chronic. It's the
best in the Gulf!
SMITH
That's regrettable, sir.
MEESH
Bullshit!
MARINE 1
[OS] Let's go, mount up!
COLBERT
Interpreter is stowed.
MARINE 2
[OS] We are Oscar Mike!
COLBERT
We are Oscar Mike to the border staging area.
(In the background:
MARINE 1
Go, go, go.
JACKS
Two two's up!)
PERSON
Hey, War Scribe, want some dip? First couple of times I dipped, I puked a little
bit.
HITMAN (SCHWETJE?)
[on radio] All Hitman victors, all Hitman victors...5, 4, 3, 2, 1
PERSON
But as long as you don't get it in Brad's Humvee, we won't mind.
HITMAN (SCHWETJE?)
[on radio] All Hitman victors, all Hitman victors-
PERSON
It's good, isn't it?
HITMAN (SCHWETJE?)
[on radio] -maintain fifty meter dispersion at two-five kilometers per hour,
over.
FICK
[on radio] Roger that.
FICK
[on radio] All Hitman Two victors, we are Oscar Mike. Maintain fifty meter
dispersion at forty-five kph.
ESPERA
Check it out, dawg. White man won't be denied.
The battalion rolls out of Camp Mathilda.
[00:36:28]
Evening. The battalion has set up camp for the night.
[BBC Radio] ... cruise missiles fired by US ships and guided bombs dropped by
stealth planes struck targets in downtown Baghdad in what American officials
describe as an attempt to decapitate the Iraqi leadership before the war begins.
Meanwhile, a quarter of a million American and British-led troops are said to be
massed on the Iraq-Kuwait border amid claims that many Iraqi soldiers are ready
to defect. In the States, the US Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld has denied
reports that negotiations are taking place for a cease-fire. He said the only
topic for discussion with Saddam Hussein was unconditional surrender...
COLBERT
We kicked the hornet's nest. Now we better kill all the fucking hornets.
[BBC Radio] ... but the Iraqi leader quoted on state television said Iraqi
people were ready to resist any attack, despite American and British...
[00:37:14]
Morning. Fick addresses Bravo Two.
FICK
You're being called upon to kill. We're gonna be invading a country full of
civilians. But at the same time, we don't know if the people shooting at us are
gonna be in uniform or looking like farmers. If we shoot civilians, we're gonna
turn the populace against us and lose this war, but I don't want to lose Marines
because we are not aggressive. The ROE boils down to this: if in your mind you
fire to protect yourself or your team, it's the right thing.
JACKS
[OS] Hell yeah!
GARZA
[OS] Get that?
ESPERA
[whispers to Colbert] Yo, I don't want to shoot no fuckin' farmers.
GARZA
[OS] Shit, I'd shoot a farmer.
REYES
Sir, you got any word from the rest of the world? Is the UN going in with us, or
are we on our own?
FICK
It's the usual French talk of stall and surrender.
(In the background:
MARINE 1
Gas, gas, gas!
The men all immediately start to suit up.
MARINE 2
Move, move, move!
MARINE 1
Gas, gas, gas!
MARINE 3
Move, move, move!)
MARINE 4 (REYES?)
Gas, gas, gas! Get to the vehicles!
MARINE 5 (Lovell?)
Team 3, with me! Go, go, go!
ESPERA
Let’s go! Let’s take cover! Let’s go!
MARINE 6
Move, move, move!
ESPERA
Come on, put a move on it! We gotta go!
REYES
Get to the vehicles, Team Two! Team Two, get to the vehicles!
PATRICK
Two Two, back to the vehicles! Get me a head count!
Wright is left on his own, stumbling towards the vehicles in his MOPP suit and
gas mask. He falls to the ground, and Bryan, Garza and Colbert stand over him,
also in gas masks.
GARZA
What do you got, Sergeant?
WRIGHT
Can you help me with the...
Wright points to his crotch, where his suit straps are painfully tight. Garza
takes out a pair of pliers and cuts the straps.
(In the background:
MARINE 1
All clear! All clear!
MARINE 2
All clear!)
GARZA
I just performed testicle surgery on the Reporter!
WRIGHT
I forgot to spit out my tobacco so I had to swallow it.
Garza laughs.
WRIGHT
And this suit is too small. That strap was crushing my nuts.
BRYAN
Reporter, you are possibly the biggest fuckup I have encountered.
Garza laughs.
COLBERT
Yeah well, maybe he fits right in.
[00:39:49]
Members of Bravo team are sitting under cammie nets, working on their weapons.
PERSON
[To Wright] You know it doesn't make you gay if you think Rudy's hot. We all
think he's hot. [to Reyes] Jesus, you're beautiful.
REYES
[Smiles.] Actually I'm going to hell out here. Back home, all I eat is sushi and
vegetables. The nutrition here is garbage. You know, I think Sheree and I are
going to move to San Francisco. There's no fat people there.
Wynn walks up.
WYNN
That was a no-shit Scud attack, gents.
GARZA
Awesome! I just lived through a Scud attack.
Wynn smiles and leaves.
JACKS
Rudy, why would you give a fuck if there's fat people where you live?
REYES
Brother, I want to live where people care about themselves.
COLBERT
Jesus Christ, Rudy. When are you gonna realize that you're fucking gay?
REYES
I'm not gay.
The men laugh.
COLBERT
When we're on libo, you wear Banana Republic Daisy Duke shorts, and now you're
rolling into battle in your goddamn chicken suit and J. Lo glasses. You dress
like a pimp queen.
REYES
I don't dress like no goddamn pimp queen. I wear clothes that are
body-conscious.
The Marines laugh. Reyes and Colbert bump fists.
(In the background:
MARINE 1
Gas, gas, gas!
MARINE 2
Gas, gas, gas!
MARINE 3
Move, move, move!)
The men all suit up quickly.
PERSON
Hey, good job, Reporter.
WRIGHT
I got it!
[00:41:14]
Officer's and NCOs briefing. Constant explosions can be heard in the distance.
FERRANDO
Air and Arty are now hitting Safwan Hill. There are two Iraqi divisions on the
other side of the breach. From the sound of it, they are not having a good day.
We are going to demonstrate to the Iraqis that we have not come to harm innocent
people or threaten their way of life. But if you bump into an Iraqi who wants to
fight, you will fucking kick his ass. Battle streamers for this battalion are
gonna be earned on your shoulders, on your shoulders. Now, gentlemen, all
mustaches grown for the divisional contest are all to be shaved by the time we
reach the Euphrates. This battalion will maintain a grooming standard. That's
all, gentlemen.
(Background radio chatter:
MARINE
[on radio] -Actual, we’re Oscar Mike.)
The men leave the briefing, Colbert and Fick side by side.
COLBERT
We're getting ready to invade a country, and this is what our leader offers us.
Mustaches.
FICK
I trust you, Brad, to keep your personal feelings to yourself.
Fick and Colbert pass Schwetje's Humvee. He's standing by it, looking proud.
SCHWETJE
Check it out. I taped my windows so I can turn my laptop on without the enemy
seeing the light. Cool, huh?
Griego appears, holding up a video recorder. He’s recording.
GRIEGO
How do you feel on the edge of this historical invasion?
COLBERT
[Looks directly into the camera.] Find those batteries yet for my night vision
gear, Gunny?
Griego puts the camera away.
GRIEGO
That’s a goddamn sucker punch. Supply situation isn't on any of us.
COLBERT
With all due respect, Gunny, last I checked, your billet was ops chief in charge
of procuring supplies necessary for combat readiness.
GRIEGO
Yeah, and I inherited that mess from some POG who fucked it all up before I even
got near it.
Griego walks away, and McGraw approaches Colbert, Fick, and Schwetje.
MCGRAW
You get word on the escort?
GRIEGO
[OS] A week. Gave me a fucking week to unfuck this shit. That motherfucker...
FICK
Captain?
MCGRAW
Are we getting tanks or Cobras?
SCHWETJE
Yeah?
FICK
What's up with the escort?
SCHWETJE
We got word a couple of hours ago. We're not getting escort tanks or Cobras
going over the border.
FICK
Any reason you waited till now to tell me about this?
Schwetje shrugs. Colbert and Fick walk away, McGraw following them.
FICK
We've lost our armor escort. And we get no ass going over the LOD. That's a low
priority to pass on?
COLBERT
Personal feelings, sir.
MCGRAW
They're sending us alone against Iraqi armor. People are gonna die because of
this!
McGraw heads off. Kocher approaches, hugs Colbert, and shakes Fick's hand.
KOCHER
See you on the other side, bro.
MCGRAW
[Shouting back to them.] Godspeed! God-fucking-speed to you!
KOCHER
Fucking Captain America.
COLBERT
A little belt-fed today, isn't he?
FICK
We're all excited.
Helicopters fly overhead. Marines shout. Chaffin and Garza look up at the
helicopters.
CHAFFIN
Man, they kill hundreds those pilots.
MARINE
[OS] Get some!
CHAFFIN
I would liked to have flown the plane that dropped the bomb on Japan. A couple
of dudes killed hundreds of thousands. That fucking rules.
[00:43:57]
Nighttime. Bravo is on the move. There are multiple explosions close by.
HITMAN (SCHWETJE?)
[on radio] All Hitman victors, all Hitman victors, be advised, we are five
klicks out from Breach Point Two. Over.
FICK
[on radio] All Hitman Two victors, be advised, we are five klicks till Breach
Point Two.
PERSON
Man, I wish I had some 'shrooms. This is the fucking shit!
COLBERT
Yeah, it's the shiznit. Watch the fucking road.
TROMBLEY
How come we're not there yet?
PERSON
Maybe because a certain severely retarded company commander by the name of
Encino Man who, in his infinite retardation, duct-taped his Humvee windows.
Thought he was being all tactical and shit, until Bravo missed the turn at the
checkpoint 'cause retard couldn't see out his fuckin' truck.
COLBERT
Ray.
PERSON
Oh, look, there's layers of retardation that most people don't even know about.
[He turns to look back at Wright.] You should quote me on that.
FICK
[on radio] Two One, continue behind Raptor. We'll be veering west to the 98
Northing.
COLBERT
[into radio] Roger that. We still headed to Breach Point Two?
PERSON
Look at this shit.
FICK
[on radio] Affirm. Aim for breach point.
PERSON
How come we can't ever invade a cool country, like chicks in bikinis, you know?
How come countries like that don't ever need Marines? I'll tell you why. It's
lack of pussy that fucks countries up. Lack of pussy is the root fucking cause
of all global instability. If more Hajjis were getting quality pussy, there'd be
no reason for us to come over here and fuck them up like this, 'cause a
nut-busted Hajji is a happy Hajji.
COLBERT
Ray. Ray. How much Ripped Fuel have you ingested?
PERSON
I'm on it like a motherfucker, Brad. [Laughs] I'm moto, dude!
COLBERT
Well, no more of that shit. When you do Ripped Fuel, you can't shut up.
HITMAN (SCHWETJE?)
[on radio] All Hitman victors, all Hitman victors, be advised you are three
klicks south of breach point 2. Over.
WRIGHT
It's an interesting theory though.
PERSON
Yeah. Yeah, you should quote me on it. You know what? You should definitely
quote me on it. This whole fucking thing, it comes down to pussy. Look, if you
took the Republican Guard and comped their asses in Vegas for a weekend, no
fucking war.
WRIGHT
So the war's not about oil or WMDs?
PERSON
No. In the opinion of this Marine it's about pussy.
WRIGHT
And it's not about Saddam?
PERSON
No, Saddam's just part of the problem. Look, if Saddam invested more in the
pussy infrastructure of Iraq than he did on his fucking gay-ass army, then this
country would be no more fucked up than, say, Mexico.
COLBERT
Ray! Please shut up. [He pauses. There is silence.] Thank you.
FICK
[on radio] All Hitman Two victors, we are one klick until Breach Two.
COLBERT
Wake up, Trombley. You're missing the invasion.
The camera pans out to show Bravo, then moves into Victor Two.
LILLEY
Yo, Christopher. Get some of this on videotape for me, brah. This is us invading
a country right here.
Christopher records the wreckage they're passing, and sees an arm poking out of
the ground.
CHRISTOPHER
[OS] Oh, shit!
LEON
[OS] Welcome to Iraq, bitches!
[00:47:23]
Daytime. Bravo drives across the desert.
FICK
[on radio] All Hitman Two victors, all Hitman Two victors, we take this turn,
we're screening west with no adjacent support.
COLBERT
[on radio] Roger that.
MCGRAW
[on radio] This is it. We got no escort. It's just our thin-skinned Humvees
going against tanks.
PERSON
Jesus, Captain America's a fucking retard. They need to keep that asshole off
company-wide comms.
Espera spots something glittering in the distance.
ESPERA
[into radio] Two One Alpha, this is Two One Bravo. We have a possible gun or
rocket tube at our two o'clock, five hundred meters, that shiny thing. Over.
COLBERT
Garza. Put your Mark-19 at two o'clock, range at five hundred.
GARZA
I see it glinting, Sergeant. I can't tell if it's a pipe or a tank tube.
COLBERT
I glassed it. It's a pipe. [into radio] Two One Bravo, this is Two One Alpha. We
see a pipe in a trash pile. Over.
ESPERA
[into radio] This is Two One Bravo. Roger that. Out.
PERSON
Tell you who the biggest fucking retard is, is that Saddam Hussein. We already
kicked his ass once, and what does this retard go and fucking do? He spends the
next ten years pissing us off even more. We don't even want to be in this
shithole.
COLBERT
Stop scribbling. It encourages him.
They drive past a hamlet.
COLBERT
Stay frosty, gents.
GARZA
Hey!
COLBERT
What do you got?
GARZA
I just waved at an Iraqi, and he waved back. That was cool.
COLBERT
Good, Garza. Be magnanimous.
GARZA
What the fuck does that mean?
COLBERT
Lofty and kinglike.
PERSON
[Shouts at an Iraqi man standing beside the road.] Hey, buddy, it's 10:00 in the
morning. Don't you think you oughta change out of your pajamas?
[00:49:18]
Bravo has stopped. Wynn and Fick get out of their Humvee and walk past the men.
REYES
Afternoon, sir. Beautiful day to get our war on.
In Victor One.
GARZA
I'll trade your Pop-Tarts.
TROMBLEY
I got Combos.
GARZA
Yeah, I'll take 'em. [OS] Sucker!
Fick and Wynn pass Victor Three.
PATRICK
Sir, is our mission still that bridge?
Fick gathers the team leaders, sergeants and Bryan around a Humvee.
FICK
All right, gents, listen up. We are here. Our orders that we are to bust north
until the battalion tells us to stop.
COLBERT
The bridge we're supposed to be seizing in six hours is here. We've gone beyond
the AO. Is battalion still asking us to execute our mission on the same
timetable?
FICK
I have no word on that, Brad.
Victor One.
TROMBLEY
Anyone want a Charms?
PERSON
Are you an idiot?
TROMBLEY
No.
PERSON
Never, ever let Charms into this vehicle again.
GARZA
Nobody lets Charms in the vehicle in the whole fucking United States Marine
Corps. It's bad luck.
PERSON
Semper simple motherfucker.
GARZA
Fuckin' new guy!
The camera pans back to Fick's briefing.
MCGRAW
[on radio] We've been static way too long, sitting here with our asses hanging
out. We don't stand a chance against one T-72 tank. They got seventy of them out
here. This is suicide!
COLBERT
Sir, the behavior of your fellow officer, commander of our sister platoon, is
starting to concern us.
BRYAN
Captain America's unprofessional.
FICK
If you have a nickname for an officer, I don't want to know it.
Person starts singing off screen, Sk8er Boi by Avril Lavigne.
FICK
Is everyone on your teams getting some shut-eye?
PATRICK
Since they brought us pizza at Mathilda, my whole team hasn't slept. That's,
what, thirty hours now?
FICK
We don't know what's coming. You gotta rotate guys, get 'em some sleep.
PERSON
[sings and urinates] He's just a boy and I'm just a girl
Can I make it any more obvious?
We are in love, haven't you heard?
Now we rock each other's world!
[00:50:54]
Bravo travel along an MSR
COLBERT AND PERSON
[singing] Lovin' you is easy cause you're bare-chested,
Makin' love to you is all I wanna do,
Lovin' you is more than just a dream come true,
Everything that I do is out of love for you.
La la la la la la la la la la la la la la lala la la la la.
Do do do do do doooo.
Aaah ah ah.
Oooh.
Wright laughs.
PERSON
Ohh. When my band opened up for Limp Bizkit in Kansas City, we fuckin' sucked.
But then again, so did they. The only difference is that they became famous, and
I became a Marine.
GARZA
[OS] Hey, there's kids holding hands.
COLBERT
Aww, cute. Don't shoot 'em, Garza.
Garza chuckles. Colbert looks around in the Humvee until Person hands him a can
of dip.
GARZA
[OS] We got hardball ahead, Sergeant.
COLBERT
That's MSR Tampa. When we've crossed it, we'll be the northernmost unit in Iraq.
[into radio] Hitman Two, this is Two One. Do you want my victor to provide
overwatch on the northeast corner of the MSR?
FICK
[on radio] Roger that. This is Hitman Two. All Hitman victors align off Two One.
[00:52:20]
Bravo Two Humvees are aligned by the side of the MSR. Other Humvees go past
them.
JACKS
I got two pickups bearing down on us fast.
REYES
Sir, I observe men with AKs. They're in the lead vehicle.
FICK
[into radio] Hitman, this is Hitman Two. We have two victors with armed Iraqis
approaching. How copy?
SCHWETJE
[on radio] Hitman, solid copy.
FICK
[into radio] Hitman, I am seeing armed Iraqis in civilian clothes in white
pickups marked with red diamonds.
BRYAN
We should smoke 'em, sir!
SCHWETJE
[on radio] Hitman Two, this is Hitman. Interrogative. Can you, uh... Can you
wave them off? Over.
FICK
[into radio] Hitman, this is Two. These are armed Iraqis in marked victors with
weapons pointed at us. Over.
SCHWETJE
[on radio] ROE states uniformed soldiers only, uh, and they should be firing at
us.
FICK
[into radio] This is Two. I'm requesting to at least snatch one victor, find out
who these guys are. Over.
SCHWETJE
[on radio] Negative. Wave 'em off. Hitman out.
Fick waves the Iraqis off.
JACKS
This sucks!
PERSON
What the fuck?
CHAFFIN
I had a beautiful head shot.
REYES
We all did, brother.
BRYAN
Are you kidding me?
HASSER
What the fuck was that?
COLBERT
Our first contact with armed Iraqis, and we wave at 'em like bitches.
PERSON
Know what happens when you get out of the Marine Corps? You get your brains
back.
[00:54:05]
Ferrando is sitting in his Humvee, eating and listening to the radio.
[BBC Radio] ...India of course chasing that massive Australian total of 359,
already one wicket down with just two overs gone and four runs on the board…
Sixta enters.
SIXTA
Company commanders are here, sir.
[BBC Radio] …Tendulkar, caught and bowled McGrath…
Ferrando gets out of the Humvee.
FERRANDO
You can drop your pots, gentlemen. I don't know if it's me or these new liners,
but something in my Kevlar fuckin' stinks.
Everyone smells their Kevlars.
FERRANDO
All right, we're fourteen hours since crossing the LOD. We've moved seventy
klicks north. We, gentlemen, are the northernmost unit in Iraq. Our job now is
to screen the northern flank of 1-MEF.
PATTERSON
You got any word on our mission, sir? We still doing the bridge assault?
Explosions can be heard in the distance.
FERRANDO
No word. But judging by where they've placed us, higher-ups have deemed that
mission irrelevant. Even so, what's foremost in Godfather's mind: we're still
very much in the game, gentlemen, very much in the game. Okay, that's all for
now.
WYNN
Let's go ahead and round up the team leaders and have them outside the tents in
ten mikes.
Ferrando gets back into his Humvee, and Wright approaches.
WRIGHT
Colonel Ferrando, uh, if I can ask, why does your voice sound that way?
FERRANDO
Throat cancer.
WRIGHT
You a smoker?
FERRANDO
No. Just lucky, I guess.
[00:55:35]
Nighttime. A dog barks. Explosions can be heard. Colbert and Trombley are on
watch.
COLBERT
Why the fuck are you throwing food around?
TROMBLEY
I'm gonna shoot me a dog.
COLBERT
No, you're not, Trombley. No one's shooting any dogs in Iraq. [Looks through his
scope.] I got seven. You got seven?
TROMBLEY
Yes, Sergeant, I see seven.
Lovell approaches.
LOVELL
You seeing all these Iraqis?
COLBERT
Yeah, we've counted over sixty.
LOVELL
See how they're walking all jacked-up? Sore-footed.
COLBERT
At the rate this is going, this whole goddamn war will be over without us firing
a goddamn shot.
[00:56:33]
Daytime. Bravo watch Iraqi's approaching along a railway line. They search the
men as they arrive.
JACKS
Shut up.
GARZA
Sit down.
JACKS
...Er... English?
HASSER
This guy's clean.
IRAQI
Mister, mister, my... my water... drink. Please, mister.
ESPERA
Brad.
Espera pulls a knife out of the Iraqi's water bottle.
ESPERA
Prison rules, dawg, just like LA.
An Iraqi man speaks in Arabic to Fick and Meesh.
MEESH
They are just civilians fleeing Basra. They are grateful to be liberated by the
Americans.
The Iraqi man speaks, again in Arabic.
COLBERT
Poke, what manner of belt does this gentleman appear to have donned?
Espera pulls off the Iraqi man's belt.
ESPERA
Military issue, dawg.
Espera removes a document from the belt and hands it to Colbert.
Meesh speaks to the Iraqi in Arabic.
COLBERT
[To Fick] Sir, this is Republican Guard.
Meesh speaks to the Iraqi in Arabic.
GARZA
Sergeant, somebody down the line already gave these guys MREs.
Iraqis shout in Arabic, waving pieces of paper.
COLBERT
It's good!
JACKS
Shut up! Sit down! Shut the fuck up!
ESPERA
Sit down.
FICK
Hmm. This is the shit Psy-Ops dropped on Iraqi Forces, promising safe passage to
any who surrender to the Americans.
An Iraqi speaks.
MEESH
He says thirty kilometers east of here on a bridge by the canal, there are Iraqi
military death squads that are executing Iraqi soldiers who flee.
The Iraqi continues speaking.
MEESH
The death squad dudes are in white SUVs with red diamonds on them. They are
Fedayeen. They are loyal to Saddam.
Bryan is tending to the Iraqi's injuries and sores.
BRYAN
These guys can't walk.
MARINE
[on radio] Three Two actual, this is Three Two. Be advised, Alpha just got hit
by arty. Over.
KOCHER
[on radio] Three Two copy.
KOCHER
Alpha just had artillery hits near their position.
BRYAN
[OS] Get someone on the comm. We need at least 347 tons up here.
McGraw walks up, pointing at a wild dog.
MCGRAW
Shoot that dog, Corporal!
KOCHER
Sir, shouldn't we be saving our rounds for enemy combatants?
MCGRAW
Shoot that fucking dog!
KOCHER
Darnold, give it a piece of your jerky.
BRYAN
[OS] Stine, can you get me some water from the Humvee?
JACKS
[To an Iraqi.] Turn around.
BRYAN
[OS] No, I don't want your fucking cigarette.
CHAFFIN
That the same hand he uses to wipe his ass? I ain't touching no filthy Hajji gum
that's been touched by them filthy brown Hajji fingers.
LILLEY
Brah, these are people.
An Iraqi man waves a picture of his wife and children.
IRAQI
Good? Good?
CHAFFIN
Oh yeah, very good. Yeah, I'd stick my cock through that veil hole and fuck the
shit out of your wife's face any day.
An Iraqi speaks.
PERSON
Oh, my God. Check it out! They got their own Fruity Rudy.
Person hands over a photograph of two Iraqi men hugging. Chaffin chuckles.
CHAFFIN
Hey, we captured a fucking gay Iraqi!
LILLEY
Yo, hold that turd-pusher up. Fo shizzle, a gayass Hajji.
LILLEY
Danger close, twelve o'clock. It's Godfather.
Iraqi speaks. Ferrando approaches.
FICK
Meesh, Meesh. Take him over there. Sergeant.
Ferrando, Eckloff, and Schwetje walk up to Fick.
FERRANDO
Alpha took three artillery hits. Somebody has an idea we're here. And we've got
four hours of daylight to make it to our next position. We're not gonna deal
with these surrenders. That's from Division. Send them all back the way they
came.
FICK
Roger that, sir.
SCHWETJE
We have orders, Nate.
Ferrando, Schwetje, and Eckloff leave.
BRYAN
Are they fuckin' serious? Send them back where? What, the fucking death squads?
Sir, under Articles 13 and 20 of the Geneva Convention, we're obligated to take
care of and protect any fuckers who surrender to us.
FICK
Division has ordered us to unsurrender these Iraqis.
Fick looks at Wright who prepares to walk away.
FICK
[To Wright.] Write this as you see it. I'm not here to stop you.
BRYAN
The Iraqis' first contact with Americans, and we fuck 'em.
COLBERT
Bravo Two, listen up! Get ready to push!
MARINE 1
Let's go, gents!
MARINE 2
Mount up, boys!
MARINE 3
Mount up!
MARINE 4
Let's go!
Meesh collects items from the departing Iraqis.
MEESH
Mm-hm. Hm.
MARINE
[OS] Yo John, quick dicking around. Let’s go.
The unsurrendered Iraqis begin walking back from where they came from.
FICK
[on radio] We're Oscar Mike.
COLBERT
Turn it over, Ray. We're Oscar Mike.
Bravo drives away.
[01:05:11]
End Credits.
[VO - all on radio]
HITMAN TWO TWO
Say again Hitman Two Three, this is Hitman Two Two, over.
HITMAN TWO THREE
Hitman Two Two, you’re coming in weak and unreadable. Try cleaning your handset,
try again.
HITMAN TWO TWO
Hitman Two Three, this is Hitman Two Two. How you read me now?
HITMAN TWO THREE
Two Three has you loud and clear, out.
HITMAN TWO TWO
Hitman Two Three, this is Hitman Two Two, over.
HITMAN TWO THREE
This is Two Three. Send your traffic.
HITMAN TWO TWO
Roger. Be advised, REDCON-1 in five mikes.
HITMAN TWO THREE
Solid copy. REDCON five mikes.
HITMAN TWO TWO
Hitman Two Two out.
HITMAN TWO THREE
Hitman Two Two, this is Hitman Two Three.
HITMAN TWO TWO
Hitman Two Three, Two Two. Go ahead.
HITMAN TWO THREE
Roger. Hey, I got two unknowns moving along this berm that's over here to our
right side. I can’t see what they got going on, but they’re acting kind of
funny.
HITMAN TWO TWO
Roger. Checking.
HITMAN TWO THREE
Yeah, you guys should be able to get out the glass and see a little bit better
than we can from where we’re sitting. Just keep your eyes on them.
HITMAN TWO TWO
Copy all, looks like I got those two individuals moving. We’re trying to get
eyes on them right now, see if they’re armed.
HITMAN TWO THREE
Roger.
HITMAN TWO TWO
Hitman Two Three, this is Hitman Two Two.
HITMAN TWO THREE
Two Two, Two Three. Go ahead.
HITMAN TWO TWO
Hey, roger. Hey, up to your left, we’ve got two unknowns moving there. You see
that grove that’s just kinda to the northeast of your vehicle?
HITMAN TWO THREE
That’s affirmative. Understand, it’s about off your ten o’clock right now?
HITMAN TWO TWO
Yeah, yeah, ten o’clock. It’s about three hundred meters. It’s that date palm
grove. There’s some people moving around in there. It might just be, you know,
locals. Just keep your eyes on them.
HITMAN TWO THREE
Roger. They in the center of that palm grove, or on the right or left?
HITMAN TWO TWO
If you look like right in the center of it, there are some people moving around
in like white clothing. That’s what it looks like to us.
HITMAN TWO THREE
Roger. I’ve got - we’ve got eyes on some white pajamas, and we’ll keep an eye on
them.
HITMAN TWO TWO
Hey, roger. Solid copy.
HITMAN TWO THREE
This is Hitman Two Three.
HITMAN TWO TWO
Two Three. Go ahead.
HITMAN TWO THREE
Hey, on this canal crossing, you might want to get a ground guide out.
HITMAN TWO TWO
Copy. Thanks for the heads up.
HITMAN TWO THREE
Roger. Two Three out.