EPISODE 1x06 - STAY FROSTY
[VO – all on radio]
BOOM BOOM
Seven Two, this is Boom Boom.
SEVEN TWO
Boom Boom copy Seven Two. Go ahead.
BOOM BOOM
Friendlies are south. Go ahead and egress left. T0T1A mobilized and ready for
remarks.
SEVEN TWO
Copy, Seven Two. I copy all. Ready for remarks.
[00:00:25]
Nighttime. A plane can be heard overhead.
KOCHER
[shouts in Arabic]
IRAQI MAN
[shouts in Arabic and groans as he's captured.]
McGraw runs towards prisoner, screaming.
REDMAN
Sir? What the fuck?
MCGRAW
Jesus, Eric. I thought that Hajji was killing you.
IRAQI PRISONER
[mutters in Arabic]
MCGRAW
I fucked his shit up good, didn't I?
REDMAN
You stuck him in a magazine. Better luck next time, sir.
CARISALEZ
Damn, sir. Your hamster must have fell off its wheel.
McGraw laughs nervously.
[00.01.38]
Explosions can be seen and heard.
FICK
[on radio] All Hitman Two Victors, this is Hitman Two. Continue digging in.
We're holding here while RCT One advances. Over.
COLBERT
RCT One is moving into Al Kut.
PERSON
[OS] Yeah. It's about time they carried their weight.
COLBERT
Kocher is on patrol in this zone. Do not engage on your left beyond 11 o'clock.
ECKLOFF
[on radio] Solid copy on all, Three Two. Godfather out.
Bravo Three Marines arrive in Humvee with prisoner.
KOCHER
I'm taking him to a field interrogation.
IRAQI PRISONER
[speaks in Arabic]
KOCHER
[to McGraw] It's all good. He's your capture.
CARISALEZ
[OS] Shit, he'll probably fuck up the report.
[00:02:52]
Daytime. A helicopter approaches the command tent, and Ferrando disembarks.
(Background radio chatter:
BOOM BOOM
Mobile One One, this is Boom Boom. You got wind 1-5 out of the north.
MOBILE ONE ONE
Roger...
BOOM BOOM
One One is egressing.
MOBILE ONE ONE
Roger. You're clear to egress to the south.)
ECKLOFF
Sir, the officers are assembled.
FERRANDO
Alright, let's go right away.
Ferrando walks with Eckloff to the command tent.
FERRANDO
[addresses officers] As of 0915 hours, forward elements of Colonel Dowdy's
regiment seized the main bridge over the Tigris River in Al Kut. As you know, I
just returned from a meeting with General Mattis. What you don't know is that
shortly after Dowdy led his regiment into Al Kut, General Mattis relieved him of
his command. And gentlemen, Colonel Dowdy was also relieved of the ammo for his
sidearm. Colonel Dowdy is a good man, but he did not fully embrace maneuver
warfare. And lest we forget, maneuver warfare is America's warfare for the 21st
century. It is all about the violence of action. With First Recon at the tip of
the spear, seven thousand Marines have just completed the Corps' longest march
since the Barbary campaign against Tripoli in 1803. Actually, some of you are
riding in the same Humvees they used.
The men laugh.
FERRANDO
Through our use of maneuver, we have tied down many times our number of the
enemy's force, opening the door for the Army to invade the enemy capital from
the west.
SCHWETJE
Sir, does this mean it's the end of our mission?
FERRANDO
Unknown. But First Marine Division is positioning itself on the outskirts of
Baghdad for the assault, and we will be there. Rest assured, Godfather will find
a mission for this battalion. But what I want to leave you with today is this:
Colonel Dowdy did succeed this morning. He did lead his men into Al Kut. But
General Mattis has a long memory. He did not forget that at critical moments,
Dowdy hesitated to execute orders. And gentlemen, Ferrando has a long memory,
too.
The officers walk away from the briefing.
SCHWETJE
Gunny, that stuff about the General's memory and Dowdy being relieved, was
Godfather talking about us in there?
GRIEGO
I believe he meant, sir, that if you don't square away Nate Fick, you'll be in
his sights.
[00:06:22]
Bravo is camped outside of Al Kut.
FICK
Gunny, the men get those new MREs?
WYNN
They did. They're happy. These are the new ones with milkshakes. There's
strawberry, chocolate and vanilla.
FICK
Yummy.
WYNN
Did you get Hasser's report on shooting that civilian? We've got to take care of
this ass-covering bullshit. It'll be good for Hasser too. He does his duty, gets
back to being a Marine.
FICK
Thanks, Mike. You're a fucking nag.
The camera pans to Colbert's Humvee.
PERSON
Hey, Walt. [begins humping Hasser’s head] Feel the love. Walt, baby.
HASSER
Leave me the fuck alone.
PERSON
Finally, he speaks.
Person drinks some of the milkshake and leaves traces of pink liquid over his
mouth.
COLBERT
I liked it better when we were starving. Then I didn't have to see shit all over
your face.
PERSON
Want some?
Fick approaches Hasser.
FICK
Walt. Finish your report and get it to me ASAP. You did nothing wrong, but we're
gonna see if there's a better way to stop these cars.
PERSON
Walt's got a great way, LT. Shoot the driver, stop the car.
COLBERT
Trombley.
Colbert hands the radio over to Trombley and walks away from the Humvee with
Fick
COLBERT
Sir, it's vital. Hasser will write his way clear, but we're fast becoming an
army of occupation. We can't just shoot these civilians like we're doing.
PERSON
[OS] Hey, Walt.
FICK
Marines aren't cops, Brad. We're an aggressive force. That said, we'll see what
we can do.
PERSON
[OS] I’m just fucking with ya.
ESPERA
Hey, fuck it, Walt. These Hajji motherfuckers are trying to kill us. I'm for
lighting up every motherfucker that comes within one hundred meters.
Explosions are heard, close by.
TROMBLEY
Damn, man. Didn't we kick their asses already?
Fick leaves. Colbert returns to the Humvee.
PERSON
This is really interesting Brad. You know, Iraqis don't really seem good at
fighting, but then they never really completely surrender either.
COLBERT
Put down that fucking milkshake and dig a fucking hole.
PERSON
Why, so I can be more like the teacher's pet?
COLBERT
Yeah, that's exactly it. You should be more like Trombley.
PERSON
More like Trombley? More like Trombley?!
GROUP CHANTING
[OS] Whopper Jr.
COLBERT
Give me the hook.
GROUP CHANTING
[OS] Whopper Jr. Whopper Jr. Whopper Jr. Whopper Jr.
Hasser gets up and begins walking away.
MARINE
Hoorah! Go get some! Wahoo!
COLBERT
Walt.
(In the background:
MARINE 1
Anybody find that extra pin from the gypsy rack?
MARINE 2
No, we still missing that?
MARINE 1
That thing's gonna fucking fall off and we're gonna lose all our water cans.
Maybe take an extra toe-strap and strap those down.)
[00:09:18]
Fick walks up to Bryan inspecting the men.
BRYAN
Brunmeier, drink the fucking water.
FICK
How are they doing?
BRYAN
Ass to mouth disease. Half the guys got the shits.
BRUNMEIER
Both right now?
BRYAN
Yeah, take 'em. It's a good thing this is over.
There is a load crash in the background.
JACKS
[OS] Fuck!
BRYAN
[OS] For us, anyway.
ESPERA
[OS] Yo, Manimal just dropped a case of grenades.
CHAFFIN
[OS] See? That's why we can't have nice things.
JACKS
[OS] Fucking hick.
Schwetje and Griego approach.
FICK
You wanted to see me, sir?
SCHWETJE
Nate, did you hear? General Mattis shitcanned Colonel Dowdy.
GRIEGO
He took the ammo from his sidearm, Lieutenant.
SCHWETJE
The Colonel wasn't a team player. Godfather said we should all play on the team.
GRIEGO
If it can happen to a full bird Colonel, it can happen to anyone.
SCHWETJE
Nate, so you know, there will be no more questioning of my orders.
FICK
Respectfully, sir, I've only tried to interpret your intent to the best of my
ability.
McGraw approaches.
MCGRAW
[OS] Captain, sir.
SCHWETJE
Here comes the warrior on our team. Outstanding work last night taking down that
EPW.
MCGRAW
Just doing my job.
SCHWETJE
Looks like he put up quite a fight.
GRIEGO
A fight like that tells me that the company took in a high value asset. He did
not want to surrender.
SCHWETJE
You have the after-action report?
MCGRAW
Sergeant Kocher is bringing it.
GREIGO
While your platoon has been busy shooting civilians at roadblocks, Bravo Three
was taking in live prisoners.
FICK
I heard. Good work, Dave.
Kocher walks up.
(In the background:
MARINE 1
Man, I'm hungry. Anybody got any chow over there?
MARINE 2
Yeah, I got some. What do you want? Want a humrat?
MARINE 1
Hey, I'll take anything I can get at this point.
MARINE 3
Tell Victor Three to get on the road, we got CAO checks)
SCHWETJE
This'll be handy if we write your platoon up for a commendation.
GRIEGO
Sergeant, your EPW put up quite a struggle. It's a good thing your CO was there.
KOCHER
If you want to believe that sir-
FICK
Sir, what was the reason for this meeting?
SCHWETJE
Right. Battalion says we're moving on.
GRIEGO
That's ASAP, Lieutenant.
Schwetje, Griego, and McGraw leave.
KOCHER
Lieutenant, I was about to-
FICK
Yeah, but no. Not the right time.
[00:11:40]
Bravo drives along a paved road.
WRIGHT
Trombley, why were they calling you Whopper Jr.?
TROMBLEY
They were calling me that?
WRIGHT
Ray... Why were they calling him that?
Person shrugs.
PERSON
Brad, we got foot mobiles.
COLBERT
[into radio] Hitman Two, this is Two One. We, uh, we've got a bunch of foot
mobiles at 11 o'clock.
FICK
[on radio] Interrogative: do they have weapons? Hostile intent?
Bravo approach some naked Iraqi men who are kneeling with their hands in the
air.
PERSON
They got naked intent.
COLBERT
[into radio] Be advised, there's a minivan pulling off the road.
FICK
[on radio] Roger. Be vigilant. Over.
COLBERT
Trombley, range your Mark-19. Bad guys could be in that van. [into radio] Stand
by, Hitman Two.
FICK
[on radio] Roger, standing by.
COLBERT
Walt, watch your fucking sector.
Hasser picks up his SAW and points it out the window.
PERSON
Man, it looks like we caught these guys in the act, trying to change out of
their uniforms.
COLBERT
[into radio] Two Actual, we ought to halt the convoy here.
FICK
[on radio] Roger that, Two One.
The convey halts. There is an exchange in Arabic between the Iraqi men and
Meesh.
MEESH
They say they were robbed.
FICK
Lying motherfuckers. Tell us where you hid your uniforms, huh? Your documents.
IRAQI MAN
[speaks Arabic]
MEESH
They say there were robbed by the soldiers. They stole their clothes and
siphoned the gas from the car.
REYES
[OS] Lieutenant Fick, sir! Over here!
Fick, Colbert, and Wright walk away from the Iraqi men towards the side of the
road.
PERSON
[OS] Hey, be careful of the one on the right! He's got a horse cock like
Manimal's. You don't want to get that thing angry.
REYES
Sir, we have three Arab males... naked. It appears they've been shot execution
style. HM2 Bryan investigating the cause of death has determined all three have
been killed with gunshot wounds to the back of the head.
FICK
Good work, Rudy.
REYES
Team Two at your service, sir.
JACKS
[OS] Team leader of the year, Rudy Reyes.
BRYAN
This ain't our work.
MEESH
Dudes are telling the truth. He says they are farmers. One family of brothers. I
don't think he's lying.
ESPERA
[on radio] Hitman Two, this is Two One Bravo. I've got a motherfucking English
speaking Hajji in this minivan waving around his wife beater. Says they got
jacked by some Iraqi soldiers.
IRAQI MAN 1
[shouts in Arabic]
IRAQI MAN 2
Shh. Americans, you win battle, beat Saddam's army. Now his army beat us. What
you do?
IRAQI MAN 1
[complains in Arabic]
IRAQI MAN 2
Shh. They rob us. What do you do?
IRAQI MAN 1
[complains in Arabic]
ESPERA
Listen, this is something you're gonna have to uh... You have to take it up with
the UN. Okay? Just stay back from the road. And you don't have to wave your
T-shirts around anymore, all right? Here. [throws them a bottle of water]
GARZA
Found a Hajji helmet. Fits good. How do I look?
ESPERA
Like a target.
GARZA
It's better than nothing.
[00:15:04]
Nighttime. Fick holds a meeting with Bravo Two.
FICK
What we did, running and gunning through those towns, the good stuff and the
bad, was all part of the plan. Of all the Marines in the First Division, the
General selected us to be the instrument of long range strategy. We led the
feint to Al Kut. We tied down two Iraqi divisions, saved untold numbers of US
soldiers. You should be proud.
GARZA
Why didn't we go into Al Kut?
FICK
Gabe, the General's plan wasn't about taking the city. It was about making the
Iraqis think we were gonna take it. To be clear, the Commander's intent was
never to take it. The focus has always been Baghdad.
GARZA
This sucks, man. We did all this shit because we took a wrong turn?
FICK
Gabe, that's not what I'm saying.
STAFFORD
[OS] What, you got something better to do?
FICK
What the fuck is in your hand?
GARZA
It's my new helmet, sir. It's Hajji gear I painted Marine camo. I lost my kevlar
in the run to the airfield, remember? Sergeant Major Sixta made me ditch the
bike helmet.
FICK
Brad? How's your team's combat effectiveness?
COLBERT
Well, we got Person's allergies, but none of my teams got the shits.
ESPERA
Leon and Lilley both have it, but they're still doing their job, sir.
FICK
Team Two is out. Three is almost as bad. Looks like we'll be nursing this
platoon all the way into Baghdad.
COLBERT
My money is we won't be in the assault to Baghdad. You don't use Humvees to
attack an urban center.
PERSON
Well, you don't use Humvees to strong point a city either, but we did.
ESPERA
Maybe they'll hook us up, sir, let us guard some of Saddam's money in one of
those palaces.
PERSON
I don't know. I just hope that we get to fuck up some more shit before the war
ends.
GARZA
Yeah. They need to send our asses to Baghdad.
The men head back to their Humvees.
[00:17:30]
Greigo watches a burnt out tank through his NVG.
(In the background:
MARINE 1
Hey, you got that porn mag I let you borrow?
MARINE 2
Nah, man.)
BRYAN
[OS] Reyes, how many guys are sick on your team?
REYES
[OS] I have three men down, warrior healer.
BRYAN
That makes fourteen in the platoon.
BRYAN
Are you throwing up? Wake up, Budweiser. Hey, Brunmeier, come on. Wake the fuck
up.
BRUNMEIER
I got the shits, doc. I can't.
BRYAN
Drink some water, you fucking asshole.
Griego approaches.
GRIEGO
What's this about a T72 tank on this side of the perimeter?
BRYAN
It's fucking blown, Gunny. We had optics on it.
GRIEGO
Reyes.
REYES
Aye, Gunnery Sergeant.
GRIEGO
What kind of piss poor team leader are you, not checking out an enemy tank on
your perimeter?
REYES
Roger that, Gunny. Being I'm the only man on my team not down with the shits, I
will take out a patrol.
GRIEGO
No, you put the hammer to your team. Like Godfather says, malingering spreads
like a yeast infection unless you nip it in the bud.
BRYAN
These men can't walk.
LOVELL
Has our Lieutenant approved this order?
GRIEGO
He has. If the men are ill, then you should go with them, Corpsman.
BRYAN
I love this guy.
GRIEGO
And you'd better watch it, Doc.
Greigo walks away.
LOVELL
[to Reyes] Team Three will take it. Your men are sicker.
Team Three wade through a swamp in the dark to the tank.
HOLSEY
It doesn't even have a turret.
BRYAN
Fucking cocksucker sends us into a fucking swamp to check this weak shit out.
There is a splashing sound nearby.
HOLSEY
What the hell was that?
STINETORF
I shit my pants.
Fick approaches Reyes' team and Griego.
GRIEGO
[OS] How are you showing yourself as team leader tonight?
REYES
[OS] Well, tonight? Um...
FICK
Rudy.
REYES
Yes, sir.
FICK
Where the hell is Lovell's team?
REYES
They're out there. They're inspecting the T72.
FICK
A tank? Where?
REYES
In the swamp. The blown-out one. Gunnery Sergeant Griego, he informed us that
you wanted a patrol-
GRIEGO
They're covering your ass, Nate.
FICK
What the fuck is going on here?
GRIEGO
How would it look if that tank was operational?
FICK
Well, I'll tell you what it looks like right now. It resembles an incompetent
moron climbing up the asshole of his company commander by inventing a bullshit
mission. Did you seek my authority before tasking my platoon with this?
GRIEGO
I did. I woke you 40 mikes ago to affirm the order.
FICK
You woke me? I haven’t been to sleep in 36 hours. I have no recollection
whatsoever of you waking me. [pauses] I thought I was dreaming. Get the fuck out
of here. And do not ever again mess with my platoon.
GRIEGO
I was just trying to cover you. You know you're suspect with battalion.
FICK
Fuck that. You can fuck with me all you want but do not, I repeat, do not fuck
with my men. I'm putting it down, Gunny. You picking it up?
Griego walks away, and Team Three stumbles into sight, Stinetorf retching.
JACKS
[OS] Hey Stiney, that's my front yard you just puked on there.
STINETORF
Sorry.
[00:21:17]
Daytime. The road is choked with Iraqi civilians approaching a roadblock held by
Alpha Team.
BURRIS
[OS] Clumps of them in 10s and 20s. They're coming from as far as I can see.
COLBERT
Quite a party you got going, Damon.
FAWCETT
They started showing up at zero dark thirty.
FICK
The plan is for my platoon to escort these folks through our lines to the
southern checkpoint. Need you to let them through in blocks of 40.
COLBERT
Sir, if I may ask, why not send them back to Al Kut? The fighting's over there.
FAWCETT
These people aren't from Al Kut. They say they're from Baghdad.
Fick whistles.
COLBERT
They walked over a hundred miles?
FICK
Look, we don't know who anyone is. Could be a suicide bomber among us, so stay
frosty. Keep your vehicles at a walking pace and this is important: keep a good
distance from these people.
COLBERT
Roger.
Fick walks up to Espera's vehicle.
ESPERA
White boys on my team celebrating the end of our war, sir. [laughs]
COLBERT
35, 40 at a clip. Keep the families together.
FAWCETT
Roger. Smith, bring them through in groups of 35. Keep the families together.
COLBERT
Slow walk them. Stay hard. Slow walk them.
LOVELL
Slow walking them.
SCHWETJE
[on radio] This is Hitman Actual. Keep your eyes open. Watch their hands. Some
of them might be armed.
PERSON
Hey kid, nice jacket.
COLBERT
Espera. Espera! Take this group.
IRAQI BOY
As-salāmu `alaykum.
REYES
As-salāmu `alaykum. As-salāmu `alaykum.
COLBERT
Keep your fucking distance from them.
ESPERA
Lilley, I want you to take up the rear. Garza, come up here to the front. All
right? Let's roll.
MARINE 1
[on radio] Bravo, this is Two Two. Don't point your weapons at these people, but
keep your guns up.
MARINE 2
[on radio] Hitman Two Three, this is Hitman Two Two. Roger, copy that. All
right, we've got the left side on this one.
MARINE 3
[on radio] Two Two, keep an eye on that group coming past your Humvee.
COLBERT
Where's my Trombley? Get these people some water. Not the ass water. Get the
bottled.
MARINE 1
[on radio] Two Two, keep that group tight. Keep a good pace.
LEON
Carry that, miss? I got it.
STAFFORD
Yo, break out some MREs. Like my nigga Tupac said, "it's hard times, man."
CHRISTESON
Yeah.
STAFFORD
Make me wanna holler.
CHRISTESON
Word.
IRAQI
What are these?
JACKS
Sure.
IRAQI WOMAN
Water! Water!
REYES
Pass them around.
IRAQI WOMAN
Water! Water!
IRAQI MAN
Water water, me me!
COLBERT
Keep moving.
CHRISTESON
Easy, easy, easy.
IRAQI WOMAN
Thank you, soldier. Thank you for letting me pass on my own road in my own
country.
COLBERT
Excuse me, ma'am?
IRAQI WOMAN
Why are you Americans here?
COLBERT
We want to help you, ma'am.
IRAQI WOMAN
You know, I come from Baghdad. It is a beautiful city and you are bombing it.
This is to make my life better?
JACKS
Goddamit! Brad, we don't have to take this kind of guff. I mean, we're
liberating these ungrateful bitches.
IRAQI WOMAN
You know, this is a very beautiful country. And our President is very stupid.
Maybe you are here for liberation, I don't know. But because of oil, it feels
like war of aggression.
JACKS
Ma'am, I think you got a really good point. No, I really do. Really.
COLBERT
So much for death before dishonor.
JACKS
Damn, Devil Dog, for a piece of ass like that, I would...well I'd sell your
sister to Uday and Qusay.
MARINE
[on radio] Hitman Two Three, this is Hitman Two. Watch out for that Hajji on
your left. He looks a little suspicious.
JACKS
Go on. Go.
A woman tries to pass her sick baby to Sergeant Colbert.
COLBERT
Wh- yeah well don't- don't give that thing to me. Yeah, I understand. Ma'am, I
understand.
Baptista looks at Lovell until he gets out of his Humvee and helps some Iraqis
up onto the vehicle.
LOVELL
Here you go. Are you happy now?
BAPTISTA
Man, like this I grow up.
LOVELL
Come on.
IRAQI GIRL
So kind. So kind.
LOVELL
Here you go. [Arabic] Mikey, give us a hand.
STINETORF
It's okay. Come on.
LOVELL
I got you. Here we go. Woah, woah, woah, easy, easy, easy. In you go. That's
enough.
HOLSEY
No more. Truck's full.
STINETORF
All right, now.
LOVELL
We just turned this combat team into a hay ride.
BATISTA
Si. Obrigado.
Fick and Wynn walk between the Humvees. Bryan is treating a sick baby.
BRYAN
Got to keep them cool. [to Fick and Wynn] Doesn't matter what we do here, a
quarter of these babies are gonna die.
CHRISTOPHER
[holding a crying baby] Sh sh sh.
WYNN
You all right, Nathan?
CHRISTOPHER
Yeah, Gunny. I'm good. We're helping people.
FICK
This humanitarian stuff, we get lost in it, we're not combat effective.
WYNN
This is our future here.
STAFFORD
Lieutenant, sir! Godfather's on the radio for you. Battalion wants us Oscar
Mike.
Marines dismantle the road block.
ESPERA
Yeah, man. I know, thanks.
A car approaches the road block.
LEON
Don't Bravo it. Use the smoke first.
A Marine shoots a smoke grenade, which bounces off the road and hits an elderly
Iraqi in the back of the head, killing him.
ESPERA
What the fuck?
CHRISTOPHER
Shit!
MARINE
[OS] His fucking head exploded! Guarantee he ain't getting up.
ESPERA
At least we gave him a happy meal before he died! No wait, check that. Before we
hit him in the head with a fucking 40 Mike-Mike.
[00:28:07]
Bravo is driving along a road. They drive past a downed tank.
PERSON
Goddamn! How'd the fuck the Hajjis kill an M1A1?
COLBERT
Not a mobility kill. Both tracks look okay.
PERSON
Think the Marines in there got out?
COLBERT
If not, they died fighting a legit enemy.
PERSON
Jesus, dude. That was First Marines. They've got to be from Oceanside.
FICK
[on radio] Hitman Two One, this is Hitman Two. The ECP for the division camp is
at grid Papa Quebec 2-7-8 3-9-4. Over.
COLBERT
[into radio] Roger, I copy. Grid Papa Quebec 2-7-8 3-9-4. Over.
FICK
[on radio] Affirm. Hitman Two out.
TROMBLEY
Hey, those are dogs we ought to shoot.
COLBERT
If I felt we could spare the ammo, I'd give you the order.
PERSON
Oh, fuck, man.
There is a man's head in the road.
COLBERT
Do not run that over, Ray. [They run over the man's torso.] Jesus. You just
can't fucking win.
[00:29:18]
Nightime. Bravo is camped outside of Baghdad. Colbert and Fick talk, sitting on
the hood of Colbert’s Humvee.
FICK
[OS] Man, they're prepping Baghdad hard.
COLBERT
And we're in a fucking POG camp. It's over for us. We won't be part of the show
in Baghdad.
FICK
Yeah.
COLBERT
This wasn't what we trained for. I just wanted to get one real recon mission in
this war. You know? Putting us in these is an affront to my warrior spirit. I'm
a hunter, not a fucking truck driver corralling gun platforms.
FICK
Brad, we were the fucking first boots on the ground in the American invasion of
Mesopotamia. And you got your men out alive. Might be sad about not getting your
mission but for me, I got to tell you, I'm glad this is over. One other thing,
no more cat holes. This fucking POG camp we're in has a legit slit trench
latrine. Really.
COLBERT
That's my recon mission, then.
JACKS
[on radio] Staffard, Two on the comms. ...Hitman. Hitman Two Three, this is
Hitman Two Two... Over.
Ficks departs, and Colbert wanders over to Espera's Humvee.
COLBERT
Hey.
MARINE
[on radio] Manimal, you're no longer allowed to touch the handset again. Over.
ESPERA
Hey.
JACKS
[OS] Yeah, you're right. Over.
ESPERA
I put my babies down. Think I'm gonna get some shuteye.
COLBERT
I want you to know you've done good, Tony. You earned a lot of reputation in the
recon community as my ATL. You've always had my six, and I just want you to know
that I really appreciate that. And it's been...
ESPERA
Do you realize the shit that we've done here, the people we've killed? Back in
the civilian world, dawg, if we did this, we would go to prison.
COLBERT
Poke, you're thinking like a Mexican again. Think like a white man. Over there,
they'll be laying on the medals for what we did.
ESPERA
[turns to Lilley] What's with you, dawg?
LILLEY
I'm tweaking, bro. Don't feel right unless I'm strapped. I'm gonna go pull guard
duty.
Colbert walks away. He passes Ferrando.
COLBERT
Sir.
FERRANDO
Sergeant, they're speaking pretty highly of First Recon at division
headquarters. The General thinks we're slaying dragons.
COLBERT
I'm pleased to hear that, sir.
FERRANDO
But between you and me, it's bullshit. You men need another mission. Tanks are
gonna lead the way into Baghdad, but we want to get in the game too.
COLBERT
Yes, sir.
FERRANDO
Be advised, Brad. Stay frosty.
[00:33:30]
Daytime. Marines are whooping and whistling at a female Marine.
MARINE
[OS] I got her right in front of me!
JACKS
Titties! Show me them titties! Come on, baby! I got 15 dinar, just give me one
ass cheek!
CHAFFIN
That is one liberated bitch.
JACKS
I'm gonna hit that shit.
STAFFORD
You must be wearing your desert goggles, that ain't nothing but a piece of nappy
haired Whiskey Tango.
CHAFFIN
He's right, man. You ain't hittin' shit. WM like that? No, she be wearing Kevlar
panties nailed on top of a concertina wire bush.
JACKS
Yeah, well, I'm gonna do a recon pool. I'm gonna make a path for all you
motherfuckers.
CHAFFIN
Shit, man, you imagine the stank on that cunt?
JACKS
That is exactly where I'm going! Yes, sir, I'm gonna go down on her like she got
all of Saddam's WMDs just buried right between her legs.
Jacks mimes his actions with his gas mask.
STAFFORD
You better dig deep. Oh, yeah, baby! Get in there, Jacks, come on! Give it a
little tap! Pat it, pat it!
The men laugh.
ESPERA
[video recording Jacks] It's not that bad over here, don't kill yourself like
that.
STAFFORD
Shit, go get it, baby. Get some for old JC.
MARINE 1
[OS] Oh, shit. Heads up.
MARINE 2
[OS] Oh, shit, smash!
Jacks walks straight into Sixta.
SIXTA
Belays that, Devil Dog! You's a squealin' like a bunch of butt-fucked Vassar
bitches! Unfuck yourselves or we gonna suffer the spectacle of a WM with a bunch
of horny Devil Dogs trailin' her stern. Get yourselves squared up here.
Corporal, you're inappropriatin' your chemical filtration device by attemptin'
fornication wit it! Jesus, do I have to tell you not to desecrate your mask with
perversions? Where the fuck are your helmets?
Stafford is leaning against Colbert's Humvee, with Person inside.
PERSON
Fuckin' Sixta. No sooner do we stop getting shot at, the motherfucker is out
here lifing us in his illiterate fucking retardese.
STAFFORD
People think they have the authority to kill the minority, man. Fuck the police.
MARINE
[OS] Wahoo! Holy shit!
PERSON
What the fuck?
Colbert is running around the field, topless, making aeroplane wings.
MARINE 2
[OS] What the fuck?
MARINES
[OS] Whoops and laughter
MARINE 2
[OS] What the fuck? Get some!
REYES
Fuckin' Brad.
LOVELL
Hmmm .
MARINE 3
[OS] Yeah! Hell, yeah. It don't get no better than that.
MARINE 4
[on radio] All stations, be advised. Sergeant Colbert is wings level. Can
somebody clear him hot?
MARINE 5
[OS] Hey, Mosely, get over here.
PERSON
[gets out of Humvee and crosses to Wright] What, did you like give him some
Rolling Stone drugs or something?
WRIGHT
No.
PERSON
What the fuck did you do to him?
WRIGHT
Just asked him what he would be if he wasn't a Marine.
PERSON
[OS] Oh my god, he wants to be a ballerina? That's my fuckin' dream.
REYES
[OS] Come on, brother.
COLBERT
[shouts] Whooooooo
MARINE 1
[OS] What the fuck?
MARINE 2
[OS] You fucking rock.
Colbert stops and drops to his knees.
COLBERT
[to Person and Wright] Better now. [stands up and heads to his Humvee] Ray, I
want you to gather the team.
(In the background:
MARINE
Hey, dude, you're not supposed to be touching mine…)
PERSON
All right.
Colbert rummages in the Humvee.
COLBERT
Drop your pots, gents. Sergeant Colbert's giving you a pass.
Bravo Two One gather around Colbert.
COLBERT
There's something I've been keeping from you. I wasn't sure we were gonna live
to share this moment.
(In the background:
MARINE
Fuck yes!)
Colbert pulls a tin of Beefaroni out of his kitbag.
PERSON
[gasps] Chef Boyardee, the master!
COLBERT
To celebrate.
(In the background:
MARINE
Over here, hurry up! Hurry up!)
COLBERT
Trombley, get a fire going. Walt, here.
PERSON
You deceiving, conniving, Hebrew motherfucker. How were you gonna keep this from
your dearest pal, Ray-Ray?
COLBERT
I got one more secret to share.
Colbert holds up a brand new copy of Juggs.
PERSON
[gasps] Juggs!
COLBERT
No, no, no, no, no! Wait! Wait! Wait! Not yet. I need, I need some time with
this alone.
PERSON
Come on. Just give me one.
COLBERT
Just calm down. You'll get your sloppy seconds with Jasmine. And Ray, you gotta
share with Trombley.
PERSON
What? He'll kill her!
TROMBLEY
Eat, fuck, kill, all the same, right?
PERSON
Yeah! All the same if you're a fucking psycho. Brad, I, I'm telling you, I fear
for Jasmine.
WRIGHT
Speaking of which, one of you guys still has my girlfriend's picture.
(In the background:
MARINE
Watch out for that!)
PERSON
Dude, I hate to tell you this, but your girlfriend's kind of a whore.
WRIGHT
What?
PERSON
Yeah, last time I saw her, she was doing all of H&S company.
COLBERT
She doesn't deserve you, man.
PERSON
No.
(In the background:
MARINE
Hey, dude, come here. Hurry up!)
Lilley walks up.
LILLEY
Brah, civilian food gives me the munchies! Mmmm.
COLBERT
Lilley. [throws a can to Lilley]
LILLEY
Thanks, Brad.
Espera appears.
COLBERT
[to Espera] Beefaroni?
(In the background:
MARINE
Do it. Come on!)
COLBERT
What's your problem?
ESPERA
Last time the white man gave my people something, it was blankets laced with
typhoid.
COLBERT
Poke, can't we all just...get along?
GARZA
Hey, Whopper Jr., you got any Tabasco to go with this?
WRIGHT
Okay, there it is. You did just call him Whopper Jr. Now what the hell is that
about?
(In the background:
MARINE
Move it! Move it!)
LILLEY
We call our man Whopper Jr. because they're sold at Burger King. [Wright looks
puzzled] Burger King.
WRIGHT
Right.
LILLEY
B.K. Baby killer. Trombley's our little Whopper Jr. ever since he shot those
shepherds.
PERSON
[OS] Damn, Brad, what else you got hidden in the Humvee? A fat chick?
ESPERA
Shoot some civilians, you get a reputation. Right?
PERSON
Walt. Walt. He didn't mean that. [Walt laughs] Walt.
HASSER
You're a fuckin' messed up hick. You can't even eat ravioli.
PERSON
I eat ravioli.
The men laugh.
MARINE
[OS] Look at him! Whoo.
[00.39.30]
Ferrando briefs the officers.
FERRANDO
Gents, the final battle against Saddam's military began this morning when RCT
Five crossed the Diyala River. The final assault of Baghdad is under way. Now,
some of you may have surmised that this is not a game for marines in open
Humvees, that while this great battle is being fought, you'd be sitting in a
field holding your dicks.
(Background radio chatter:
MARINE
Godfather...
MARINE
Solid copy, out.)
FERRANDO
Or if you're in H&S company, holding our dicks. This is a problem that's been
gnawing at Godfather since Al Kut. And the solution was right in front of me the
whole time. Gentlemen, the northern flank. Above Baghdad, we assume a
significant Republican guard presence, especially since it's this region that's
home to the Sunnis and Ba'athists. Now, it turns out this had been weighing on
the CG's mind when I went to meet with him last night. Chaos has committed all
three regiments to the assault from the east, here. There's a town called
Baqubah about 50 klicks north of the city where an Iraqi mechanized Republican
guard division is unaccounted for. Okay? Now this leaves Chaos' northern flank
as tender as the Virgin's thigh. Until I met with him, CG thought his only
option was to peel off a mechanized battalion. As a good officer should, I gave
him another option. Gentlemen, we are going to Baqubah. Expect morning orders
within 30 mikes.
ECKLOFF
[speaks privately to Ferrando] Sir, there's a situation. Despite our best
efforts, they came up on our comms this morning. They know where we are and
they're less than two klicks from our perimeter. Sir, we could give them a
tangential mission, maybe task them with guarding H&S?
FERRANDO
[aside to Eckloff] Major, Major, we can't unfuck this one. [speaks to the rest
of the officers] Gentlemen, one other thing: Delta Company will be with us. The
reservists have arrived. All right, that's it.
MARINE (Griego?)
[OS] Fuck. Delta.
[00.41.43]
Bravo begins getting ready to leave.
REYES
[OS] What’s the location of the checkpoint?
ESPERA
[OS] Just follow my motherfucking truck.
KOCHER
[OS] Hey, T, what's the date today?
CHAFFIN
[into radio] Copy that, Two Two. Solid copy.
PERSON
Yo, Dirty, pass me a donkey dick. Radiator?
CARISALEZ
Yeah, wait one, Ray.
PERSON
What the fuck are you doing?
KOCHER
Writing in my journal.
PERSON
About all this shit? What, about how you're singlehandedly winning this war?
That's the type of shit that Cody puts in his little diary.
KOCHER
Look, if they say we fought valiantly here, I want 'em to know we fought
retarded.
PERSON
Yeah, 'cause going into towns, storming an airfield with no observation-
KOCHER
Come on Ray. I work for Captain America. You have Fick at least.
REDMAN
I've been telling you, Eric, don't have to be that way. One bullet in the head,
our whole platoon is squared away.
KOCHER
Stow that fuckin' shit. You had your chances like everybody else and you haven't
done it, so fuck you, man.
CARISALEZ
Here comes dumbass.
PERSON
Well, guys, it's been groovy.
Person leaves as McGraw walks up.
MCGRAW
Good work, men.
KOCHER
[sighs] Yes, sir.
MCGRAW
Good. Good work.
McGraw and Fick walk together.
MCGRAW
Each man sees things differently in combat. Right now at any time, we could die.
It's almost enough to make you lose your sanity. But to remain calm and stay in
a place where you think you will die, that too is the definition of insane.
Nate, you have to become insane to survive in combat. [Fick nods at him] Yeah.
Colbert draws a map in the dirt.
COLBERT
This is how it comes down to us. We're on point for the battalion, but first
we're linking up with War Pig.
PERSON
Great. We're gonna be rolling with some real ass, the fuckin' LAVs.
COLBERT
Good news, bad news, Ray. They're giving us the LAVs but that's because they're
sending us north of Baghdad, where all Saddam's people are from. And they don't
love us up there like they do down south.
TROMBLEY
So fuck 'em where they live.
HASSER
[OS] Damn right.
COLBERT
We'll be surrounded by friendlies until here…the magic line. No American unit
has gone past this line. A couple tried yesterday and got ambushed. This... is
bad guy country. All right, gents, we got 30 mikes. Somebody's got to win this.
ESPERA
What the fuck are you all moto about?
Swarr approaches.
COLBERT
Jumpin' Jehoshaphat. Are we that desperate for cannon fodder that they're
clearing out the sick, the lame, the crazy?
SWARR
Look at you boys, huh? What's up with these guys?
ESPERA
What's up, dawg?
SWARR
Look at these guys.
COLBERT
How the fuck did you find us?
SWARR
I came up with Delta.
PERSON
Shit, the fuckin' reservists, dude?
SWARR
Brad, you're not gonna believe it. It has been madness since day one.
COLBERT
What happened to your cushy liaison gig at Al Jabar?
PERSON
Yeah, rockin' the fucking side pipe with them air force hotties.
SWARR
Fuck that, I ain't had a war since Somalia. I had to get some. But I seriously
would not have jumped ship if it meant rolling with Delta.
COLBERT
[OS] What, I understand that.
ESPERA
What? Clusterfuck?
SWARR
They're off the hook. Dude, they don't got any gear or food. They were pulling
escort duty just to eat. And then they got to rollin' into these hamlets and
doing these shows of force, you know, cowboy shit for fun. Like this one time, I
swear to god, they thought it'd be funny to give these little kids, like, porn
mags, like Hustlers and Maxims and shit, show the little Hajjis what we're
fighting for. This old Iraqi comes storming out, starts screaming at our
interpreter about how we're fucking up their morals or some dumb shit, right?
And he's super fucking pissed. The old man's got an RPG.
ESPERA
What?
SWARR
Delta fuckin' freaks. They lob like twenty-six Mark-19 rounds. They fuck up the
whole hamlet.
COLBERT
Fuck.
PERSON
Bull-fucking-shit.
SWARR
Ollie North filmed the whole fucking thing.
ESPERA
What?
PERSON
The Oliver North?
SWARR
Oliver fuckin' North was standing there with a camera crew from Fox filming the
whole thing like it was the turning point in the fucking war. These Delta fucks
are like LAPD cops and DEA agents and fucking Air Marshals. You know what I
mean?
COLBERT
[OS] Yeah.
SWARR
And they're led by this Napoleon douche who is like a Corporal or some shit in
Albuquerque PD. I swear to god, this motherfucker has got cattle horns on his
Humvee.
COLBERT
This is so colossally retarded, I can't even say anything about it.
SWARR
Godfather knows. He's been ducking us on the comms for the past couple weeks.
But they're here now, Brad, and they're rolling with you.
A Marine laughs in the background.
GARZA
No fuckin' way. We're working with reservists?
ESPERA
[OS] That's some bullshit.
A Humvee drives past, with cattle horns on the front.
HOLSEY
[OS] Look at this motherfucker.
SWARR
[OS] Check it out. If I'm lying, I'm dying.
PERSON
[OS] Oh. That's a real Marine.
Schwetje is standing outside the command tent.
SCHWETJE
Fick!
Schwetje gestures Fick over.
SCHWETJE
We're out of our MOPPs. Right now.
FICK
Yes, sir.
Fick walks back to Bravo Two.
ESPERA
You can actually see it rolling downhill.
LOVELL
Yep, here it comes.
FICK
Change in SOP. Out of our MOPP suits. You've five mikes to get right, then we're
Red-Con one.
COLBERT
Roger that.
ESPERA
[OS] We're back in cammies!
GARZA
So fresh and so clean.
Everyone starts changing back into their camouflage uniforms.
MARINE 1
[OS] Oh fuck, I don't have bootpants.
MARINE 2 (CHAFFIN?)
[OS] My balls smell like Jack's mouth.
MARINE 3
[OS] How do you know what his mouth smells like?
MARINE 2 (CHAFFIN?)
[OS] 'Cause my balls were in it.
MARINE (PERSON?)
[OS] What the fuck do they do over there, man?
[00:47:37]
Bravo are on the road.
WRIGHT
No, really, if we're not in our MOPP suits, that means there's no WMDs. If
there's no WMDs, then why are we here in the first place?
PERSON
I knew you were a fucking gay-ass liberal. You tried to pretend by invading Iraq
with us, but I knew.
WRIGHT
I'm serious, Ray. Isn't that the whole point of us being here?
TROMBLEY
The point is we get to kill people, you dumb fuck.
PERSON
What's the difference anyway, man? I mean, the war's almost over. We're just
about done with this bitch.
They pass refugees by the side of the road.
TROMBLEY
Shit, man, they're taking everything.
PERSON
Yeah, they're pretty much liberated around here.
COLBERT
Ray, stay focused. We have a mission.
PERSON
Yeah, some mission..."cross the magic line." What the fuck can that be all
about?
COLBERT
That's us. [points to the Blue Force Tracker] War Pig, then Recon. The line is
on 34 northing. On the other side? The Iraqis. And they're mechanized. Focus,
Ray. Focus.
[00:48:47]
Late evening. Bravo continues driving.
COLBERT
[OS] Watch for mines, Ray. Remember, this is bad-guy country.
TROMBLEY
[OS] Hey, Reporter, do you know what you're supposed to do if the Humvee gets
hit by a mine? You're supposed to curl up like a bitch.
COLBERT
[OS] Trombley, make nice.
TROMBLEY
[OS] You know how to curl up like a bitch, don't you, Reporter?
[BBC radio] ... What is believed to be the final assault on the city's defences.
And now for cricket...
LILLEY
BBC says they're puttin' whoop-ass on Baghdad. And we're out here in the fucking
sticks.
Sports on BBC radio continues.
ESPERA
Man, turn that shit off.
[BBC radio] ... disappointing result. "But," he said, "there's always a next
time."
Lilley turns the radio off.
ESPERA
We're out here under the radar where nobody knows we're here. Hopefully, it'll
fuckin' stay that way.
COLBERT
“Once more into the great good night. Cry. 'Havoc!' and let slip the dogs of
war."
PERSON
Man, when I get home, I am gonna eat the fuck out of my girlfriend's pussy.
WRIGHT
Is that Shakespeare?
TROMBLEY
Shakespeare wrote that? About his girlfriend's pussy?
MARINE
[on radio] Godfather, Godfather.
There are explosions ahead of them.
PERSON
I take it the LAVs in front of us just crossed the magic line.
FERRANDO
[on radio] Solid copy.
COLBERT
The LAVs report enemy contact on both sides of the road. Rockets, mortars and
machine guns.
FICK
[into radio] Hitman, Hitman, small arms fire to our three o'clock, 2-5-0 meters
out.
COLBERT
I have no targets. No targets. Walt, what are you shooting at?
HASSER
I got muzzle flashes behind those walls.
COLBERT
Whoa! Hold on, buddy! That's a fuckin' village over there.
HASSER
I see fuckin' fire coming in.
COLBERT
Not from the houses! There are people in that village, Walt.
FICK
[on radio] All Hitman Two victors...
COLBERT
They ain't shooting at us.
FICK
[on radio] …advance to 1-6 northing on Route Green. Break. They've made contact
with a squad-sized force. Over.
COLBERT
[into radio] Roger. [to Ray] Ray, halt the vehicle.
PERSON
All right.
COLBERT
LAVs have stopped.
MCGRAW
[on radio] Enemy! Enemy, both sides! Break!
PERSON
Oh, my God. Is he crying?
COLBERT
No, he's not. He's just nervous.
MCGRAW
[on radio] We're gonna die if they don't get us out of here! They sent us to
die!
Person laughs.
COLBERT
Okay, fuck it. He's crying.
FICK
[into radio] All Hitman Victors, this is Hitman Two. Be advised, the LAVs are
egressing to the south. Break. We're pulling back into a defensive position and
dropping mortars. Over.
PERSON
[into radio] Yeah, that's a solid copy.
COLBERT
Trombley, the LAVs will be coming up on our left. Do not engage. If you do,
they'll schwack us.
HASSER
Jesus Christ. Tracers skipping around us.
COLBERT
That's our own guys, shooting down the axis of our convoy.
FICK
[on radio] All Hitman Two Victors, hold your fire...
HASSER
Fucking reservists.
FICK
[on radio] Hold, Delta. Over.
COLBERT
Is that the reservists firing on the ville? Walt!
HASSER
Hey, it's Delta. They're laying down FPF on the village. It's all fucked up.
COLBERT
Get those guys on the net.
PERSON
It got passed down. We have no comms with Delta. I don't know, maybe the fucking
retards will just run out of ammo.
COLBERT
God damn, this is gonna be a long night.
[00:52:26]
Next day. Alpha Humvees are on the move.
(Background radio chatter:
ASSASSIN ONE
This is Assassin One. We are set.
ASSASSIN TWO
Assassin One, this is Assassin Two, we are bounding.
ASSASSIN ONE THREE
Assassin One Two, this is Assassin One Three. We have multiple enemy entrenched
400 meters to the north. Break. Possible enemy mortar position. North 1,000
meters. Interrogative.)
Colbert is leading a team checking out enemy entrenchments in a field.
COLBERT
Stay in line!
(Background radio chatter:
ASSASSIN ONE THREE
Are you in the position to observe and prosecute these targets from there?
ASSASSIN ONE TWO
One Three, this is Assassin One Two. Affirm. We are static. Stand by while I
roll the Godfather back. Assassin One Two out. Break, break. Twisting, Twisting,
Assassin One Two over.
TWISTING
Assassin One Two, this is Twisting. Send your traffic.
ASSASSIN ONE TWO
Roger. We have multiple entrenched personnel...)
TROMBLEY
They all got blankets on to hide their heat signatures, right, Sergeant Colbert?
COLBERT
A week ago, they didn't know we could see their thermals at night. Now they're
adapting.
TROMBLEY
Didn't work for that guy.
There's an explosion immediately in front of Colbert's team. Marines are firing
on their position.
COLBERT
Get down! Stay the fuck down.
Patterson gets out of his Humvee and runs towards the men who are firing.
PATTERSON
No! Cease fire! Cease fucking fire, Sergeant!
PERSON
[driving towards the men firing] Fucking assholes!
PATTERSON
Sergeant! Cease fire!
PERSON
Fucking motherfucker.
PATTERSON
Cease fire! Cease fire now! Cease fucking fire!
PERSON
You stupid fuck!
PATTERSON
Sergeant! What the fuck?
MARINE (ALPHA TEAM SERGEANT)
My staff Sergeant told me to engage all movement.
PERSON
What are you doing? You dumb motherfucker, you realize you're shooting at
Marines?
MARINE (ALPHA TEAM SERGEANT)
I saw an Iraqi helmet.
PATTERSON
I got this, Corporal.
PERSON
[OS] Fuck.
COLBERT
[on radio] Two Actual, this is Two One. Who the fuck is shooting at us?
GARZA
Fuckin' LAPD cops from Delta! They fucking love shooting Mexicans.
COLBERT
It was Alpha, Gabe. Alpha. Mistakes happen.
FICK
[on radio] Two One Actual, what's your status?
TROMBLEY
Everyone likes to shoot Mexicans, even Mexicans.
[00:54:25]
Bravo Two Humvees are stationary. There is mortar fire nearby.
COLBERT
[into radio] Hitman Two, this is Two One. This is accurate mortar fire. Request
permission to egress.
FICK
[on radio] Negative. Our orders are to hold our position. We're blocking for
Alpha. Over.
PEERSON
There's a fuckin' brain-dead idea.
COLBERT
That's a hold. We're covering Alpha's assault.
PERSON
Whoa, Brad. Check out the retard casevacing lamb chops. Oh, man, that's fucking
intense when you think about it, homes. I mean, here's this poor farmer who's
out there in the middle of-
COLBERT
Ray, shut the fuck up.
Colbert scopes Alpha's attack.
COLBERT
Fucking fish in a barrel.
PERSON
Same motherfuckers who tried to smoke your ass.
[BBC radio] ... the most dramatic pictures have shown American Marines in
Baghdad city center pulling down a giant statue of Saddam Hussein. Fighting
seems to have come to an end...
COLBERT
Turn that shit off.
PERSON
All right, fine.
COLBERT
Apparently, these motherfuckers up here don't listen to the BBC.
PERSON
No talking, no radio. Jeez, Brad.
[00:56:11]
Bravo Three are advancing across a field. Delta reservists are photographing
themselves with dead Iraqis.
KOCHER
Grab the mag.
DELTA RESERVIST 1
[OS] Hey, how about this guy over here?
DELTA RESERVIST 2
[OS] No, man, over here, J.J.
DELTA RESERVIST 1
[OS] Bobby, use my camera too, man.
MARINE
[OS] Damn!
REDMAN
Fucking reservists, man.
DELTA RESERVIST
[OS] Just take the fucking photo.
KOCHER
Hey, be careful, Dan. RPG could be mined. Don't pick shit up till you check it.
REDMAN
Copy that.
KOCHER
[shouts in Arabic and charges towards a live Iraqi soldier] Get up. Get the fuck
up.
IRAQI SOLDIER
No no no.
KOCHER
Come on.
IRAQI SOLDIER
Okay. Okay, okay.
KOCHER
Now.
REDMAN
Got you covered, Eric.
KOCHER
Hands. Come on. Hands.
COTTLE
Thank you. You saved our asses. This is the first real fighting we've seen.
KOCHER
Move and I'll blow your fucking head off.
IRAQI SOLDIER
I have a family!
McGraw runs up.
MCGRAW
[laughs] Yeah! Oh, yeah. We ought to cut his throat like in the Chechen soldier
video. Huh? [grunts]
McGraw stabs at the Iraqi soldier with his bayonet.
MARINE (CARIZALES?)
Captain, sir. Sir, what are you...
MCGRAW
[laughs]
KOCHER?
Sir.
MCGRAW
Yeah! Intimidation tactic.
KOCHER
Sir, we got this situation under control.
MCGRAW
Oh! Fuck! Fuck! Bombs!
KOCHER
Stay down.
MCGRAW
We got a live one, men!
KOCHER
Cover him, Redman.
COTTLE
You motherfuckers. I'm sorry I shook your hand. You abused that prisoner.
[00:57:46]
Bravo Two is checking a field.
FICK
[OS] Hey, Bravo Two, stay on line.
An elderly Iraqi climbs out of a hole.
FICK
[OS] Hold your fire.
ELDERLY IRAQI MAN
[surrendering] No Saddam. No Saddam
FICK
Come on. Al salam al'icum.
Elderly Iraqi man kisses Fick.
PERSON
Looks like you won some hearts and minds, sir. And some tongue.
DELTA MARINE
[drives by] Hey, check it out! We got their colors! Yeah! I love killing people!
Bravo Two are holding the captured soldier.
IRAQI SOLDIER
Please, I'm a very low soldier.
CHRISTESON
Oh, fuck that. You were waiting to kill us. You didn't put your weapon down.
IRAQI SOLDIER
I'm afraid if we put our weapons down, the police will come and beat us.
Everybody under Saddam is silent. If he say we go to war with America, we say
"good." If he say we don't go to war with America, we say "good."
REDMAN
Shit yeah. We can't drop our weapons either.
Fick walks up.
FICK
We got orders. Next stop is Baghdad.
MARINE
[OS] Sweet, man.
FICK
I don't want any war crimes in the back of my truck. Untie his hands. Give him
some water.
IRAQI SOLDIER
You let me go? How can I go home? My sergeant, he sees me, he find out I didn't
fight.
STAFFORD
Negro, ain't no Saddam. Know what I mean? Ain't no Iraqi army. You ain't got a
sergeant no more. Either we killed his ass already or shit he be running away
faster than you. Feel me?
WYNN
You're going to Baghdad, my friend. We got a prisoner collection center there.
IRAQI SOLDIER
Baghdad? For free? I'm so happy. Thank you, thank you. I'm so happy.
STAFFORD
[OS] It's all good, playboy.
IRAQI SOLDIER
Thank you, thank you very much. Thank you, thank you.
[00:59:22]
Bravo are on the move. There is gunfire.
HASSER
Contact, two o'clock!
PERSON
What the fuck, man? Don't these fucking guys know that we won the war already?
COLBERT
We got ambushed all the way up here. There still could be some bad guys who
wanna play.
PERSON
[sings] Mammas, don't let your babies grow up to be cowboys.
COLBERT
God damn it, Ray. No country music. Okay?
PERSON
Dude, it's not a country song, it's a cowboy song.
Colbert shoots an Iraqi solder who was trying to sneak up alongside the Humvee.
COLBERT
I hate to break it to you, Ray, but there are no cowboys.
Bravo continues driving into Baghdad.
CHRISTESON AND STAFFORD
[singing off screen]
Can I kick it?
Yes you can.
Can I kick it?
Yes you can.
Well I'm on.
Uh huh. Uh huh. Can I kick it?
Yes you can.
Can I kick it?
Yes you can.
Can I kick it?
[01:00:55]
End Credits
[VO]
CHAFFIN
I don't give a fuck what you write. It's gonna come out all liberal media
bullshit spin on it anyway.
WRIGHT
Seriously, what am I supposed to do with all this bullshit you guys constantly
talk?
CHAFFIN
Oh, you think I'm some sort of racist psycho redneck?
ESPERA
What, you ain't?
CHAFFIN
And you ain't some fucking militant taco-bender revolutionary?
ESPERA
See, reporter? No outsider can understand how we really are.
CHAFFIN
We're all fucking brothers.
ESPERA
And we're all fucking alpha males.
CHAFFIN
We gotta constantly test each other.
ESPERA
All we do is fight for position in the pack, dawg. All that training we do, the
martial arts to grappling... is for practice, but it's also for real, to achieve
dominance over a motherfucker. We do the same thing mentally. It's prison rules,
dawg. We probe for any fucking weakness we can find... family, race, brains,
looks... anything you have on a motherfucker, you wear it the fuck out.
CHAFFIN
Being a Marine isn't about words, anyways. It's about your fucking actions.
ESPERA
Back home in the civilian world, a fool slaps a "protect the planet" sticker on
his car, suddenly he's all about the environment and shit. Don't matter that he
still drives that fucking car, fires up his computer and video games and cell
phone every night with electricity made from nuclear power, coal, and fucking
melted baby seal oil. Nuh-uh-uh, I got a dolphin sticker on my shit, so I'm all
about saving the fucking planet. In our fucking Marine Corps civilization, it
don't matter what a motherfucker says. Only thing that matters is, dawg, would
you charge that motherfucking machine gun when the motherfucker tells you to
charge the motherfucking machine gun.
CHAFFIN
Shit, everybody in this platoon is a hard charger. Marines bitch about
everything, man. Chow, fucking moron officers, no time for a combat jack, but
you will never hear a Marine in this platoon bitch that we could die at any
second.
ESPERA
Hell no.
CHAFFIN
That's what we signed up for.
ESPERA
Hoorah that, motherfucker.
CHAFFIN
Fucking care if some latte-sipping bisexual college student reading about Justin
Timberlake in "Rolling Stone" thinks I'm a psycho racist cracker? Fuck no. I'd
give my life for any brother in here. I know any one of them would do the same
for me. You think it matters if I call fucking T a nigger? Shit! Fucking love
that big dark green marine and his big old beautiful nigger dick. Love all my
dirty spic brothers here.
ESPERA
And I love this fucking cracker-ass inbred racist peckerwood fuck. I don't know
why I do, dawg, but I do.
CHAFFIN
'Cause I'm pretty and I shave my balls. Want to touch 'em, Reporter?
WRIGHT
No. Thanks.
CHAFFIN
Look, man, I joined the Marine Corps ten days after I graduated high school. I
went to school with all these rich kids at St. Tammany's Parish, but I was an
apartment kid. My mom worked. I worked summers digging footings on the weekends.
I was a dishwasher at D'Angelo's Pizzeria. I busted my ass. Became a Recon
Marine since I was 19. My shit is tight as fuck. I know that, my brothers in
this platoon know that, so fuck all of you.
ESPERA
Damn, War Scribe, you just spit on my fucking rack, dawg.
WRIGHT
Where?
ESPERA
There! You see that pile of dried camel dung? That's my fucking pillow, dawg.
You fucking spit on it, fool. You're a heinous-asswhite boy.
WRIGHT
I'm sorry.